Worst Case Scenario
by inthenightside
Summary: And another kinkmeme fill. In a non-Reaper AU, F!Shepard is stuck with her former mentor Nihlus and his former mentor Saren on a wrecked ship in space for a length of time. Tensions between them are resolved kinkmeme style.
1. Chapter 1

The original kinkmeme prompt for this was:

_A no-reapers AU where Shepard is tutored by Nihlus, who of course has a history of troubled friendship (and maybe more than friendship) with Saren. The three Spectres end up on the same mission, and cramped into a small ship, stranded in space for a length of time. Now, I'd like to see Saren secretly lusting after Nihlus, and Nihlus secretly lusting after Shepard, where Shepard is openly trying to seduce Saren._

Thanks to S for proofing this. All mistakes are mine, of course.

* * *

#

If things had gone according to plan, it would have been a simple mission.

Shepard sighed. So few missions ever were.

She had joined her former mentor, Nihlus, for a straightforward retrieval, bringing in a fugitive, a suspected conspirator in some complicated political game. It wasn't that Nihlus had really needed the help, of course, but they both enjoyed working together from time to time, and this had just been one of those occasions.

Currently, Nihlus was at the controls of the ship, closing the distance to their rendezvous point. The moon that was their destination was looming ahead, and she idly studied her fellow Spectre's profile. The orange glow from the control interface gave his dramatic white markings a reddish cast.

Shepard suppressed a grin at the sight. There was something to that colour scheme, the contrast of dark plates, white markings and green eyes, some symmetry to his alien features that made him quite pleasant to look at, alien or not. He tended to attract more than his share of appreciative glances from members of his own species, and quite a respectable number from aliens as well, and of course he was aware of that. Fortunately, he wasn't vain, although he sometimes pretended to be, just for fun. He didn't take things like that very seriously. Then again, she mused, when he wasn't on duty, there was little that he took seriously at all.

She remembered their first meeting well; she had reported in with him at the beginning of her Spectre training, having read up on what little unclassified information there was on him, and expecting a typical rule-abiding, by-the-book turian who would make the next months of her life as difficult for her as he was able to, just because he could.

Instead, he had just given her a look out of remarkably friendly green eyes that the holos she'd viewed hadn't done any justice to, and shaken his head with an almost self-depreciating laugh. "Well. Seems we are stuck with each other for a while. I read your service record, and from what's in there and what's implied I can assume you already know how to handle yourself in a fight and how to think on your feet. I see little point in playing boot camp instructor with you. So, tag along with me, and figure out how to do things and how to stay alive from that. We'll see whether that sort of work suits you." His mandibles had drawn aside, baring his teeth in a cheerful grin. "And whether you can keep up."

He'd been true to his word, and their time together had been more of a cooperation between equals than a formal mentor-student relationship. She had learned from him, but the opposite had also been true, and after a few weeks they had already become very efficient at working together. Their skills were well matched, as well as their personalities, and they had become friends even then.

Nihlus wasn't a typical turian, which was probably why she got along with him so well. In combat and when on duty, he was precise and cool and very practical, if the situation warranted it, and his tactics were creative enough to make him unpredictable to their enemies. His reputation proclaimed him as one of the best even in an elite force as Spectres were, and she had quickly come to the conclusion that it was well deserved. She had watched him settle conflicts with diplomacy as easily as with liberal application of force, just as the situation demanded, and while he could be a ruthless killer if the situation required him to be, she found that he didn't have a taste for killing, and tended to care about and avoid collateral damage if possible.

Once off-duty, however, he would switch to being playful, easy-going and generally fun to be around in a heartbeat, and it had been that side of him that had won her over initially, made her see beyond the image of an alien with unknowable reasoning and reactions.

He really wasn't a very typical turian at all, and the one time she had made a remark about that to him, instead of being offended, he had laughed and agreed.

They had remained friends once she had made full Spectre, and had started to earn her own reputation. She normally worked alone, but a few weeks into her Spectre career, a message had come in from Nihlus, inviting her along on a mission where two were more efficient than one, and she had accepted. It had been satisfying both on a professional and a personal level, because they still worked well as a team, and now that they were equals in name as well as in practice, they got along even better than before. It had become something like a habit between them to join forces every few months or so, if something interesting came up.

They had finished their latest mission successfully, and had been just about to turn their way towards the Citadel for handing in their reports and doing some informal debriefing over a round of drinks at some pub or another before splitting up again, when a message from Nihlus' own former mentor, Saren Arterius, had come in, asking for Nihlus' help.

It had been urgent, and there simply had been no time for Nihlus to drop her off somewhere else while he went on to lend his fellow Spectre a hand. It would have made no sense, either, because if Saren could be bothered to ask for help, things were tense, and it wouldn't hurt to have one more Spectre to see them through. So she was along for the ride.

She sighed again. She didn't mind coming along, but she really regretted that it had to be Saren, of all people.

Nihlus threw her a sidelong glance, then laughed, quick to guess the direction her thoughts had taken. "Don't be like that. If he's really in trouble, he'll be glad enough to see you."

"No," she disagreed, under her breath. "If he isn't in trouble, he'll be merely annoyed. If he is in trouble, he'll never forgive me for that."

Nihlus laughed again, but she didn't join in.

As well as she had gotten along with Nihlus himself, the same couldn't be said for Nihlus' own former mentor. During her own training, they had crossed paths with Saren once, purely by accident, and it hadn't been a friendly meeting.

Of course she had heard about Saren before, both about his work attitude, which could only be described as utterly callous, and his open and rather vocal disapproval of humanity in general and the moves her species made in galactic politics in particular. He was considered the best among the living Spectres, with a reputation of getting things done and a service record to match. True, his reputation also mentioned ruthlessness and a complete lack of concern for any collateral damage, but that didn't take away from his status. His voice carried considerable weight.

Nihlus had never said it outright, and she had had enough tact not to bring the topic up explicitly, but she knew that Saren had strongly and outspokenly disapproved of Nihlus taking over her training from the beginning. From his offhand remarks, she had gotten the feeling that the two Spectres had been friends, as unlikely as that might have sounded, given the differences in their character. As open and outspoken as Nihlus was with apparently everything else, Saren had never been a subject for discussion, and she had respected that.

Shepard had learned quickly that Saren's disapproval of humans was actually bordering on downright hatred. He had made no secret of his distaste of humans in general and her as a Spectre candidate in particular. She had taken the sneers and barely veiled insults for a while, but then she had, perhaps, reacted with less diplomacy than she should have. The only thing that had saved the situation from degrading into physical violence had been Nihlus, who had walked into the verbal crossfire with the same attitude that he showed when faced with actual fire: apprehensive, but calmly determined.

In the end, Saren had left, disgusted, and without the topic ever having been brought up, she knew the episode had damaged relations between the two Spectres considerably. As far as she could tell, Nihlus' choice to accept her for training, and furthermore, his refusal to discard her after that clash, had created enough of a rift between them that to the best of her knowledge, they hadn't even spoken during the time she had been Nihlus' trainee.

It had gotten marginally better once she had reached full Spectre status, and Saren had been forced to admit, however grudgingly, that her performance as a Spectre was in no way inferior to that of any of her peers, and in fact often surpassed it.

Their ways had crossed on one mission, and while it had been an uneasy truce, they had completed that assignment successfully. Any other outcome would have been shameful, really. After all, they were both professionals and able to work together if required, personal disagreements notwithstanding.

If Saren had asked Nihlus for help, it meant that they were talking again and maybe had settled their own differences. Things might actually remain civil, then, which was at least some relief. Nevertheless, she was not looking forward to this.

"I wonder what he's doing out here in the first place," she complained. "This isn't Council space anymore. Technically we don't even have any authority here."

"I have no doubt the explanation for that will be long, colourful and entertaining." Nihlus still sounded like he was enjoying himself, and she envied him a bit for that.

The readings from the instruments showed nothing of interest on the coordinates that Saren had sent, save for some depressions and burn marks on the ground from a ship which had been there recently. Shepard frowned. "He's not there. Where is he?"

"Had to move, I suppose." Nihlus grinned, a quick flash of teeth behind dark mandibles. "Let's just follow the trail of destruction."

#

Shepard had taken Nihlus' words for humorous exaggeration, but they weren't far removed from reality. It wasn't necessary to do any tracking by eyesight, since Nihlus got a reading of emissions indicating a serious firefight not too far off the original landing site, but it would have been possible to follow the course Saren must have taken by the wreckage on the way. There were two downed dropships in pieces on the ground, smoke curling up into the still air from several larger pieces that were still on fire.

A third one, damaged but still in one piece, was parked rather haphazardly on the uneven ground. There was not much chance that anyone had walked away from the first two, but this one could have deployed some troops.

"Ah. There we are." Nihlus still didn't seem too worried, but then again, he rarely did. He pointed ahead, and sure enough, there on the ground below was a ship the same make as Nihlus', currently under siege by a considerable number of foot soldiers. The hatch to its airlock was open, but she could detect no movement in it at this distance.

Even at a cursory glance, it was clear that Saren's ship was too badly damaged to move on its own, and it wasn't clear how he had even made it that far. It was impossible to say how long this battle had gone on already, but the rocky terrain provided enough natural cover, and the soldiers had spread themselves out well.

She wondered briefly about their identity. It wasn't obvious from their heavily armoured figures, but the scanners read them as batarians. There were no identifying colours or insignia that she could catch, which was uncommon for mercs, and their armour and weapons seemed too good for common criminals.

"Oh dear. They got his ship." Nihlus shook his head in mock sadness. "He's going to be really, really cross about that."

"Like anyone will even notice any difference in his mood," Shepard muttered under her breath, already readying her weapon. "You going to set us down here?"

He nodded, closing his helmet. "Let's go." He hit a control to engage the autopilot, then ran a preprogrammed sequence to take them down.


	2. Chapter 2

Their sudden appearance caused confusion on the battlefield, but not as much as Shepard would have expected with amateurs. Both of them had enough time to jump down from the hatch - barely - then Nihlus' ship shot upwards, out of immediate trouble, and went into hover, with a few shots glancing off its kinetic barriers.

They didn't need to talk or discuss tactics; they knew each other well enough. They split up immediately. Shepard was turning towards the ship, about to ascertain the state of their fellow Spectre, while Nihlus kept their enemies busy and their numbers decreasing.

Shepard dropped into cover behind a sizeable boulder, evading a burst of fire that was sent her way. The fire ended abruptly, and a short scream could be heard, so she raised herself up and peeked over.

Nihlus was up ahead, having taken care of the batarian who had shot at her, moving from cover to cover with the effortless ease she had always both admired and envied him for. She had worked with a lot of turians during the last few years, and some had been quite good, but she had never seen any of them move like Nihlus did. Well, maybe there was one exception, because on that one mission she had seen Saren in action, and that had been just as impressive. Almost as impressive, she corrected herself.

One of the soldiers popped out of cover, clearly intending to make a target of Nihlus, and she took him down cleanly.

Looking for further targets, she frowned as a trio of batarians made an attempt to rush the hatch. She lifted her rifle to interfere, but a flash of grey from inside the hatch made her hesitate. There was a crackle of dark energy, and the three soldiers were pushed back like toys as the cornered turian Spectre appeared fully just inside the airlock.

Well, that was definitely impressive, she allowed grudgingly.

Movement from somewhere to her right made her turn and aim, and instinct took over as she picked off the fourth soldier, who was aiming a sniper rifle at the ship. "Nice try," she ground out between her teeth.

When she was certain that the sniper wouldn't get up again, she turned her head back to the ship. Saren had disappeared again, which struck her as entirely sensible.

She broke cover, running the short distance to the hatch. None of the soldiers who had gotten hit by Saren's biotics seemed to move, and when she stepped over one body that was directly in her way, she noted the precise hole in its head. Some shots glanced off her shields, but they were aimed badly and posed no problem. She jumped through the hatch and ducked to the side, into cover.

A slight snarl from the other side of the airlock drew her attention, and she found herself eye to eye with a dangerous-looking turian in light grey armour. From what she could see of Saren's face through his helmet, he was annoyed and not in the least pleased to see her.

"Shepard. What are you doing here?"

Had it been anyone else, she might have explained the annoyed, ungrateful tone away with stress, but he had never been any different, and his attitude never failed to get a corresponding response from her.

"You mean, aside from gunning down snipers who try to get a drop on you? Don't worry, Nihlus is here too."

She met his glare with a defiant stare of her own, but her comm interrupted them.

"Shepard, what's your status?" Nihlus sounded mildly out of breath.

With a last glare at Saren, she turned to look outside. "We're both fine in here. What about you?"

"Almost done." A short burst of rifle fire from the outside and echoed through the comm made her wince despite herself. "Done. Now, help him get his gear packed, and I'll get the ship down. "

"Sure." She cut the connection, then gave Saren a quick once-over. As far as she could tell, he wasn't injured, which was at least something. He seemed to be leaning against the bulkhead a bit more heavily than she'd expect him to, but maybe the biotics had tired him out. If that meant his attitude would be less abrasive than usual, she was all for it.

She started to speak, but he was already turning away, further into the ship. With a shrug, she followed.

#

Saren was growling under his breath as he methodically went through storage compartments and lockers, packing away a variety of items into a crate and discarding others.

Shepard hesitated, wondering whether she should try and help, but from the purposeful way he moved, she figured she'd only get in the way. She watched him pack medical supplies, tools, ration packs, ammunition and a rather interesting selection of weapons into the crate, then snap the lid closed.

Sensing that he was done with that one, she picked it up and hauled it back to Nihlus' ship. Nihlus helped her store it in the cabin for now, then joined her on the trip back to Saren's ship.

Saren's greeting to Nihlus was just a wordless growl and nod, but that didn't seem to faze Nihlus at all, so presumably he was used to it. Shepard was hard pressed not to roll her eyes, though.

Several more crates were waiting for them, making Shepard wonder where all that was coming from. Without doubt, it would make the space on Nihlus' ship rather scarce, but she could appreciate his thoroughness. They would have to abandon the wreck of Saren's ship, and it wouldn't be wise to leave anything useful behind. Also, it was entirely possible that they might need the extra heavy weapons or whatever else was in the crates.

It was sensible, she thought, but they were still damn heavy.

They were back just in time to see Saren finish packing the last crate, and Shepard couldn't help noticing the lock on that one. Someone was being paranoid.

Nihlus picked it up with a groan. "What the hell do you have in here?"

Saren didn't even look at him as he turned to his terminal, keying in commands in a rapid staccato.

Nihlus seemed to be used to that behaviour as well, because he just quirked one mandible and turned to the airlock.

"Nihlus," Saren called, without even looking. "Leave the lock alone."

With a rather amused snort, as if at some private joke, Nihlus took himself off.

Saren shut down the terminal, then went forward to the cockpit. A few key taps on the controls there, and the electronics shut down too. That made sense to Shepard as well, but she was surprised as he knelt down under the main console and started removing panels.

"What are you doing?"

He ignored the question, but she had the feeling he wasn't doing it deliberately this time, but rather out of necessity, as he seemed completely absorbed in his task.

She stood by, impatiently, as he carefully detached, then removed the storage of the ship's VI. Shepard frowned at the VI unit. She had thought she knew her way around the current VI technology, but she couldn't identify the model, or even the manufacturer, for the core unit bore no identification mark or logo. Presumably, Saren had a custom model here. It would just be like him, she mused. Nothing but the very best.

With a snarl, Saren stood again, flipped a few switches, then carelessly ripped off another panel and tore out a few wires. A warbling beep from some circuit made her wince; that was a counter, if she wasn't mistaken.

"There. Let's get out of here."

She didn't need to be told twice, and something in the hasty way he moved convinced her that they were on a schedule here. They made it back to Nihlus' ship in record time, and she had barely time to clear the airlock when the seals slammed shut again.

Saren pushed past Nihlus towards the cockpit. "Keep an eye out for any incoming ships," he said, then started removing the panel under the main console.

"What the hell are you doing?" Nihlus shouted as Saren tore out the existing VI storage with remarkably little concern for its integrity. "We can't fly this thing by hand."

"I could," Saren snapped, installing his own VI with the careful movements she had only see him employ once when disarming a live charge. "But I won't have to. Consider this a temporary upgrade to your ship." He finished integrating the core, then flipped a switch.

Nothing visible happened, and Nihlus started to curse. Shepard refrained from doing the same, but a blip on the nav got her attention.

"Seems like someone else got interested. Party of three fighters moving in."

"We might be a bit outnumbered here, not to mention outgunned," Nihlus mused aloud. "Just a thought."

Saren replaced the panel, then slid into the pilot's seat. "Cabal, resume." he said in a calm voice. There was no reply, but the VI display came alive instantly. He nodded in approval. "Are you functional?"

"This unit is functional within the hardware limits of the system," the VI replied, and Shepard could have sworn that there was some sort of testiness in its tone, which should have been impossible. Then again, this was Saren's VI. Maybe its owner's bad mood had infected the VI as well.

"You will have to suffer the inferior hardware for the time being." His hands were already on the controls, and the ship's engines came alive.

Both Shepard and Nihlus scrambled for secure positions, Nihlus being the quicker and therefore securing the copilot's seat, while Shepard was relegated to the corner at the nav unit. Her place gave her a good view of the ground falling away below them, and then, briefly, the explosion that presumably obliterated the wreck of Saren's ship. Then the angle changed, and she only saw the sky.

"They're closing in," Nihlus reported. He clicked his mandibles in astonishment. "These are batarian military. I read them as registered vessels. What the hell is going on here? I thought you were investigating pirates harassing some fringe colonies."

"The pirates turned out to be military, presumably operating under regular orders." Saren sounded clipped. "There have been rumours about this, but now I found proof. See that you save their registrations. That information might come useful at some point."

Nihlus gave a humourless laugh. "No wonder they don't want you to get out of here alive."

Shepard could see reason in that. The diplomatic repercussions would be considerable, if Saren indeed had found proof to back up his accusation. There was nothing more embarrassing for a politician than being caught doing underhanded things like this, after all.

Proximity warning sounded as one of the fighters came in close, seemingly above them. Saren took evasive action, but the other ship stayed close.

"They're trying to force us down," Nihlus said. "Why not destroy us outright?"

Saren growled. "They want to retrieve the data I collected. See how I found out about this in the first place." His mandibles drew closer to this face, giving him an even more grim expression than usual. "But I don't expect their restraint to hold for much longer. Eventually, they will decide that further investigation is secondary and that the destruction of evidence will be sufficient."

Shepard flipped a few switches, took a look at the display, then swore. "Communication is still jammed," she said, "and there's a light cruiser coming out from behind the planet."

They were effectively trapped. With the fighters keeping them from breaking orbit, and a larger ship moving in, there wasn't much chance of escape, and little place to hide on the moon. Shepard expected Saren to go down again and try to lose the fighters somewhere closer to the moon's surface, because they were less effective in that range, but Saren instead took them up, dangerously close to the fighters.

"What are you doing?" Shepard demanded.

"Emergency jump," he ground out.

"What?" Nihlus almost yelped. "We're far too close to the moon!"

"No choice. We can't hide, evade or outrun them. Cabal?"

"It is possible, but there are risks," the VI stated.

"There always are. List viable destinations."

Lines started scrolling by in the display at a mad pace. Shepard wondered how he could read that fast, but apparently it posed no problem to him.

"I'll try for Farside station," he decided. "As soon as we hit normal space again, get our bearings and let them know where we are."

It meant that he expected them to arrive in less than pristine state, of course. She had a mind to agree, though, as they were running out of options, and a small chance was better than none. "The cruiser is closing in."

Saren didn't reply, but took the ship for another evasive manoeuvre, then tried to break away from the moon again. He kept his course, disregarding the fighter in his way. The fighter tried to force them to change course again, but Saren just snorted and set the engines to max.

Nihlus sighed. "Again?" he queried with a shake of his head.

Saren ignored him, just as Shepard braced for impact.

At the last possible moment, the fighter veered off, apparently deciding to let the cruiser deal with the madman piloting their ship. Saren snorted in contempt.

"Chicken," she said, and Nihlus chuckled.

Saren hit the controls again, and space seemed to break apart around them.

For a timeless moment, everything seemed white, calm, and Shepard wondered whether the insane Spectre at the controls had managed to get them killed after all. Then reality reasserted itself.

The cockpit was suddenly a chaos of warning displays and audio alerts, all reporting some malfunction or another. Saren visibly fought to keep the ship stable. Then another proximity alert went up, adding to the din. The ship shook from some impact, and the alerts multiplied.

Shepard stared ahead. The view was mostly taken up by what appeared to be a moon, or a planet, and it was close. Large pieces of debris drifted around them.

"Well. I may be mistaken, but I don't think that's Farside out there." Nihlus was trying to restore some order, taking nonessential systems offline and rerouting power. "Unless they really redecorated."

Shepard cocked her head, studying a larger piece of debris. They couldn't be from their ship, because if they had been, they wouldn't still be breathing. "I think we dragged one of the fighters with us. Too close, different mass, screwed up the jump calculations," she offered. "That's what knocked us off course."

"Two fighters," Saren corrected absently. He threw an irritated look at Nihlus. "Can you get my VI online again?"

"It already is." Nihlus was still busy cataloguing their state. "But I think your priorities need reevaluating, because our drive isn't doing so well."

"I know. That's why I want the VI." Saren sounded merely impatient. "I'm not too familiar with this region of space, but I believe this is Rubikon."

Nav was still mostly offline, but Shepard managed to get a reading of their position, and bring up the star charts. "You're right," she said. "It's Rubikon. Two systems away from Farside, third planet in a system of five. Level 3 hazard world, uninhabited. No colonies on the other planets either, nor any other habitats."

"Sounds lovely. Shall we land?" Nihlus gave Saren a quick look.

"Not unless we have to." Saren sounded disgusted. "Let's see to the ship first."

The VI flickered up, displaying additional data about various systems. Nihlus scanned through them, then snorted. "The drive is mostly shot. The core is offline. We have the thrusters, but not much more. And there's hull damage in the engine section and the aft cabin and storage. Sealing fields are in place, but we better not go there." He winced. "Hell. That means most of my supplies have now become space debris."

Shepard was studying the data as well. "Good thing it was on this side, or it could have been life support. Long-range comm and scanners are down as well, but I can't tell yet how bad the damage is. But everything else seems functional to me. That's good news, right?"

"Well. We're stuck, blind and can't call for extraction." Nihlus sounded remarkably calm. "So, Saren, now that you junked not one but two ships in a span of a few hours, what's our next move?"

Saren seemed to suppress a snarl. "There was no other choice."

"That's what you say." Nihlus spoke in a tone of friendly teasing, and Shepard thought it a brave act, given that Saren seemed to be angry enough already. "Admit it. You just like explosions and general destruction a bit too much."

Saren clenched his fingers on the controls, then just shook his head. "You know better than that." He tapped a few keys. "The message the VI sent to Farside has been received, but the reply says it will be two to three weeks until they can get a ship here for extraction."

"Weeks?" Shepard was aware her voice was close to a squeak. "We can't last for weeks here."

Saren didn't even look at her, but somehow he managed to convey contempt just by the set of his shoulders. "The shields are not damaged, nor are the power generators, so maintaining life support won't be a problem. We will stay in orbit around Rubikon and wait for extraction. There are enough emergency rations on board to last far longer than that."

"Maybe you are all set up for a nice camping vacation," she snapped, "but I didn't bring much in the way of supplies, and Nihlus probably doesn't have any levo rations stocked."

"Matter of fact, I used to. Along with proper food and drink." Nihlus sighed ruefully. "But since that part of the ship is mostly gone..."

Saren turned around slowly, giving the impression of very strained patience. "Check in the first and the third of the supply crates I packed."

She blinked. Why did he-

"I believe in being prepared for most possible scenarios," he stated in a tone implying heavy criticism for anyone not following that principle. "There should be a sufficient number of standard asari rations there to sustain you for long enough."

"Well," she said with a sinking feeling. "We better get settled in, then."

She was going to be stuck on a damaged ship with Saren for company, for weeks, maybe. If this wasn't quite the worst case scenario, it was pretty damn close.


	3. Chapter 3

It was a strange situation that they found themselves in. They weren't really in any immediate danger, and the time they'd be stuck here was limited. It shouldn't have been a problem.

But Nihlus' ship was small, and what little space there was became even more reduced by the equipment crates from Saren's ship. The entire rear, including the engine section, the aft cabin and the storage, was still sealed off and inaccessible. The port cabin was repurposed for storage, so they had set up their sleeping rolls on the narrow side of the commons, stacked the surplus crates along the side against the wall.

Things could have been worse, supposedly. Life support, power and basic facilities were still online, and since her own pack had been stored in the port cabin, Shepard still had what little gear and supplies she had brought. It meant that she could at least change out of her armour, which helped both her comfort and her paranoia. Their combat suits could keep them alive even if life support should for some reason fail, but the power supplies weren't infinite either. The two turians had switched to casual clothes as well.

She wasn't going to starve anytime soon either, because Saren had indeed packed a good number of asari ration packs. It wouldn't have been her first choice, and she suspected she'd get quite tired of their taste soon, but it was better than nothing.

At least the turians had no better luck than her in that regard. They had standard military rations, both from Saren's supplies and what had been stored on Nihlus' ship, but as Nihlus had indicated, his normal food supplies, fresh and preserved, had gone the way of the storage room they had been in. Neither of them seemed bothered, though. Nihlus had even joked about it, saying that without any fresh supplies Saren was at least excused from having to cook, which had earned him a silent glare from his former mentor.

The idea of Saren on kitchen duty was vaguely amusing, though.

Still, the worst thing about their situation was that there wasn't really much to do. She did have some reading material on a few datapads, but there was only so much time she could kill with reading, eating, and sleeping.

Talking to Nihlus helped, but Saren never joined their conversations, save maybe for some snide remarks that Nihlus ignored and that never failed to raise her hackles.

The space was too constricted for any physical activity, too.

In short, she was bored.

With a thump, a datapad landed on her lap, and she looked up to see Nihlus' wide-mandibled grin.

"You up for a game?"

There was only one game he could be referring to. They had been playing Hyperspace Commander for months now, waging private battles on the popular extranet gaming platform whenever they both happened to be online. Shepard blinked. "Without a server?"

He laughed. "Local. Running on the ship's VI."

She started to grin herself, then remembered the potential problem with that.

Saren was faster, of course, and his voice was flat, which usually wasn't a good sign. "You installed a game on my VI?"

Nihlus twitched his mandibles, clearly wondering what to reply. "Well, several, to be precise, but-"

Saren snarled, the sound raw with sudden rage, and he was on his feet in an instant. For a moment, Shepard was sure he would simply charge and strike at Nihlus, but although she could see his mandibles working in a way she really didn't like, he seemed to be able to control himself, barely. "I don't care what damage you do to the software of your own VI, but if you have managed to break mine..." He was already at the terminal, hacking away furiously. A flicker of dark energy ran over the whole of Saren's body, sparking and flaring, then disappearing as he seemed to regain a measure of self-control.

"Relax. It's fine." Nihlus shrugged. "Never had any problems on my system. I don't see why yours should take any harm. "

Saren bit off every word. "Of course you wouldn't. This is an advanced model. I can virtually guarantee that whatever useless garbage you installed, it hasn't been tested on this model." The VI's symbol came up on the haptic display. "Cabal, run a self-diagnostic."

"That will not be necessary," the VI replied. "I already obtained the software update. It will be running in a closed-off section. My functionality is unimpaired."

"See?" Nihlus said. "It's fine. It says so itself."

Saren twitched, drawing his claws across the terminal with a screeching sound in a way that must have left marks. "Fine. Go back on standby."

The VI's symbol dissolved. Saren leaned forward on the console for a moment, apparently still trying to regain control of his temper. "Leave my VI alone," he finally ground out, then returned to his corner, retrieved his datapad and resumed reading.

Shepard looked at him in confusion, and worry, because that reaction had once again shown her that Saren's temper was volatile. She didn't know him well enough to tell what his normal behaviour was like, but she was rather certain he had just been just heartbeats away from lashing out at Nihlus.

Nihlus, strangely enough, didn't seem to be upset by the outburst at all, nor did he appear frightened. If anything, there was an almost calculating expression on his face as he measured Saren with a quick look, then he sighed and shrugged.

"Guess that killed the mood for a game," he said. "Maybe another time."

Shepard nodded, but she couldn't quite suppress the shiver as she looked over at Saren, who was back to ignoring the both of them.


	4. Chapter 4

The forced closeness, going on for days now, was hard on all of them, and Shepard felt her own temper getting frayed. Nihlus for some reason was the calmest among them, a lot more patient than he usually was. But Saren... it was disturbing, the way he was acting. He seemed permanently on edge.

She tried to stay away from him as far as the confinement of the ship allowed, but of course that wasn't enough. It wasn't possible to be subtle about this either, and she had the feeling that her avoidance irritated him further.

Then again, everything seemed to irritate him.

Of course, it was mutual. The silent and sometimes not-so-silent disapproval from where he was sitting was grating on her nerves, and some of his habits were driving her crazy. He was, as she had discovered to her vague unease, keeping his natural claws with sharp edges and needle points, natural weapons. She had never seen another turian do this, certainly not Nihlus, who blunted his claws down and was more civilised all around. What the hell would Saren need these claws for, anyway?

It fit in with his bad mood, though. There was no outlet for his temper, no enemies to strike at, and she was worried about him, and quite wary. She didn't know how turians reacted to prolonged stress, but if he snapped, she had no doubt who his target would be. While she normally could hold her own in a fight, she was no match for him and she knew it.

She stood and stretched her back against the bulkhead, trying to ease the tension in her shoulders and neck. She wanted running water instead of the sonic shower on the ship. She wanted proper food, and enough room to go for a run. She wanted out.

It wouldn't be long, she told herself again and again. A few weeks at most... Not a problem. Not a problem.

She flinched on instinct as Nihlus brushed past her on his way to the cockpit.

He stopped, looked at her, then shook his head. "You're tense as live wire." He chuckled and ran a finger over her side. The sudden touch went though her nerves like electricity, and she suppressed a snarl.

That made him laugh. "Oh, I can think of a way or two to help you ease that tension."

Shepard was so used to his remarks that she just snorted. "I bet you can."

It was how he always acted around her. He hadn't meant anything by it when she had been his trainee, and he didn't mean anything by it now. The disturbing thing was that as jokingly as that was meant, that touch hadn't been unpleasant. The images that ran unbidden through her mind were even less so.

She shook her head to clear it. As delightful as it might have been to contemplate that possibility in the privacy of her thoughts, this wasn't the time or the place. But then she noticed that he hadn't taken his hand off her. She frowned, but his expression wasn't as playful as usual.

"You're serious," she said, floored.

His mandibles twitched. "I always was." Before she had time to ponder on this, his tone turned playful again. "Tell me to back off, and I will. You know that. But I think you could do with some relaxation. And so could I."

She was considering it, really well and truly considering it, then snapped out of it and gave Saren a look. Absurd as it was, for a moment she had almost forgotten he was there.

"You are aware he's still here?" she said, trying to keep any trace of embarrassment out of her voice, because she knew that he could, and would, tease her mercilessly about it.

Nihlus seemed amused. "Sort of hard to forget that," he replied, in a tone of voice that indicated he saw no problem with it at all.

Saren looked up at her from his datapad, snorted, and spoke in a disinterested tone. "I suppose there's no point in trying to dissuade you. Just try to keep it down." He transferred his attention back to his datapad, giving the impression that the topic was closed for him.

The cool disapproval was like a bucket of ice water to Shepard's fantasy, and she flinched. "I'm not saying that your idea doesn't have anything to recommend it," she whispered to Nihlus, offering a strained smile. "But the prospect of sarcastic comments from the sidelines somewhat kills the mood."

Nihlus growled, and gave Saren a look. "You're even worse than her. If you had any sense in that stubborn head of yours, you'd join in."

"Excuse me?" Shepard's voice was a bit more than a squeak.

"Oh, right." Nihlus shrugged. "You humans don't have a lot of sense either."

"You're serious," she repeated, still too stunned to take offence at that remark.

He gave her a look, but was saved from the need to reply as Saren snapped. "Don't presume knowing anything about my mental state."

Nihlus turned to him, calmly. "But I do know you. You're not sleeping, are you?"

Shepard would have expected Saren to make some scathing reply or other at that, but instead he just snorted and looked away.

"Thought so," Nihlus muttered, shaking his head. "No sense. None at all."

Her own mental state had to be degrading rapidly as well, because as embarrassed as she had been moments ago, Saren's complete lack of reaction irritated her. She hadn't seriously considered following Nihlus' suggestion, or at least that was what she firmly told herself. She should have been glad he wasn't interested. That was preferable to the opposite. Right?

"Wouldn't work anyway," she said. "He clearly isn't into humans." And that, she thought, was not only the understatement of the century, but the end of the conversation. Better that way. Had to be.

"My preferences are none of your concern."

Shepard suppressed a grin at the perfectly insulted tone, even though she knew it wasn't funny at all. "Ha. I knew it."

Saren stared at her, and something in his expression cooled down rapidly. "You know nothing. My preferences depend on respect. Species is secondary."

"Well, then," Nihlus threw in. "You do respect your fellow Spectres, don't you?"

It was a challenge, she recognised, on several levels. She wasn't sure why Nihlus was doing this, but it had already gone too far. It was crazy, but she wouldn't be the one to back down. She was curious, and more, she suddenly wanted to rattle that nonchalance that Saren seemed to have about this, as suicidal a notion as that was.

"Fine with me," she said, giving Saren a hard look.

Saren stared at the two of them, and his expression was anything but friendly as he considered. "Very well," he said, biting off every word. "This is a temporary measure to keep us sane and from each other's throats. It means nothing beyond that, there will be no consequences whatsoever, and it will never be spoken of again once we are clear of this situation. If you agree to this, then I have no objection."

Shepard winced, wondering whether she'd ever heard a proposal of this sort worded that bitingly, that cold. Then again, what else could she expect from him? Nihlus seemed used to it, however, because he merely shook his head in something like resignation. "Agreed."

Cold pale eyes held hers, angrily, and she realised he fully expected her to back out of this. She merely lifted her head slightly. "Agreed."

If the quick agreement took him aback, he showed none of it. In fact, she couldn't tell whether he felt anything at all. Nothing about him gave any clue. He just inclined his head once, like agreeing to a business proposition that he didn't care for either way.

His gaze flickered over Nihlus, and Shepard could have sworn that there was something there for a moment, some sort of emotion, then hardened again as he regarded her specifically.

"I presume you're familiar with the sexual behaviour of our species?" he said.

Her chin came up in response to the challenge. "As a matter of fact, no."

Some surprise shone through as his eyes flicked towards Nihlus for a moment, then back to her, but it was immediately suppressed. "In that case, you need to be made aware of some differences in customs between turians and humans." His tone was sober, almost clinical. "First, a 'no' means 'no' and is to be respected under any circumstances, no questions asked. In case of doubt, err on the side of caution." When she nodded in wordless reply, trying hard not to roll her eyes at something that she took for granted, he continued. "Second, know your limits. If you're uncomfortable with anything, say so."

She almost gave in to the temptation to make a snide remark on that, but Saren suddenly stood up and one step was enough to bring him in close proximity. He drew his thumb over her chin, tip of his claw just brushing her lower lip. She flinched, the move too was sudden, too out of context to anticipate, and he nodded, as if he had proven a point. "Third, know that you are safe." His tone was dry. "Contrary to what seems to be the case with so many humans, we are not in the habit of hurting our partners. The same consideration is expected from you, of course."

She blinked, then nodded. "Of course."

There was no change in his expression or voice. "Are you certain you want me included in this?"

The smart answer would have been no. Her actual answer was, "Yes."

He studied her for a moment longer, still impassive, then moved aside and went over to his things. She wondered for a moment, but then it became clear. He fished out a file. There was no hesitation in his moves as he drew it over the inner curve of his claws, taking off the knife edge there with a few strokes.

She had to give it to him, he did think of the details, although the precise way he acted made her think of preparation for battle rather than of any sort of romantic endeavour.

He caught her look and twitched his mandibles as his tone turned wry. "I assume that you don't count lacerations as a prerequisite for having a good time. Of course, if I'm wrong-"

"No, no," she hastily replied, wondering whether that flash in his eyes really was a trace of suppressed humour. Shepard hesitated. "So, how do we-"

"Take turns." Nihlus was just as unfazed as ever. "Let me show you."

Before she had time to voice even a token protest, he nudged her down onto the bedding. His hands slipped under her shirt, as skillful as if he was performing some sleight-of-hand trick, and the simple contact of warm palms against her skin was enough to make her forget any objections. Tension and stress turned into lust in the space between two heartbeats. It wasn't, she allowed, an entirely sane reaction, but the awareness didn't change the fact.

Nihlus had been right. They all needed a break. And there were worse ways to lose some tension than a friendly roll in the hay. Even if said friend was of a different species and could look more than a bit daunting in the right circumstances.

He leaned in, plated face close to hers, then flicked the tip of his tongue over her lips in a quick swipe that almost seemed mischievous. It made her smile. She touched his fringe and was rewarded with a deep rumble.

It was something she had always wanted to do: run her fingers over the curved spines just to see what they felt like. She had never quite dared to, however, since she had been given to understand that touching a turian's fringe unasked was considered rude under most circumstances, akin to groping a human female's breasts. Of course she could have pleaded simple scientific curiosity, but he'd probably have teased her to death about it, even if she was certain he'd have allowed it.

No reason not to indulge in her curiosity now, though. The spines were warm, with a smooth finish that felt almost like a polished surface. The outer sides were rigid, plated, but the underside was softer, and she was certain he felt the touch as she ran her thumb along.

He rumbled again, then drew his mouth over the side of her neck, a slow, deliberate motion. His mandibles were brushing against her skin with a delicate flutter.

It felt strange, but in a good way. Was this the turian equivalent of kissing, she wondered, but then gave a startled yelp as his tongue flicked out again, sampling the skin on her neck.

Nihlus drew back instantly to look at her, and chuckled; a deep, friendly sound. "Relax, Shepard. I won't bite you. Well, unless you want me to." He chuckled again, as if at some private joke. "Just let me know."

"Let's avoid that for the moment," she replied, in much the same tone, then instinctively tightened her hold on his fringe as his hands moved deftly up her torso to palm her breasts. Even through the fabric of her shirt, she felt the warmth of his hands, and she leaned into the touch, aware of his rather self-satisfied expression.

"You consider yourself quite the expert, don't you?" she challenged.

"I know what I'm doing," he whispered, pausing only for a moment to strip off the shirt and the plain utilitarian bra she was wearing underneath. Apparently, human clothing didn't even give him a pause, and she had to laugh at that. But the laughter turned into a gasp when his hands cupped her breasts again, his thumbs circling over her nipples. Heat flushed through her, brought on by the slow caress, and she sighed in pleasure.

Nihlus flicked one mandible slightly, a gesture she had come to know as the equivalent of a crooked grin, and usually a good indication that he was about to stir up trouble.

"Saren, how about giving me a hand here?" He didn't look up, though, but kept his attention on Shepard. Underneath the playfulness, there was a serious question in his eyes.

_Is that all right?_

It certainly wasn't wise. She wasn't even completely sure about this with Nihlus, whom she liked and trusted. Involving a second alien with a volatile temper who cared nothing for her was just asking for trouble. And yet...

She was curious, and maybe she had been wondering about a thing or two, and, surprisingly, the idea wasn't repulsive at all. Furthermore, she had the notion that Nihlus wanted Saren to get involved, and whether it was an attempt at peace-keeping or something more complex, it did make things even more interesting.

The decision was reached. She gave Nihlus a significant look, lowering her eyelids briefly in the affirmative.

Saren sounded impassive as always. "It doesn't look like you're in need of help."

"Not the point," Nihlus replied, husky undertones lining his usual cheer. "Just come here."

There was a snort, and then Saren moved into her field of view. He set himself next to them and rested a hand carefully on her ribs, tips of his claws ghosting over her skin.

"Careful with the claws," she said on impulse, and froze in surprise as he stilled, although it was a subtle move.

The way Nihlus winced and fluttered his mandibles was anything but. "Ouch," he said, stopping what he was doing with a careful sideways look at Saren. "Shepard, that was... something of an insult. Like... implying that he's either incapable of restraint or selfish enough not to care whether he gives you pleasure or pain."

Shepard blinked, embarrassment setting in as she realised the extent of the faux-pas she'd just committed. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean-"

"It takes intent to pierce skin," Saren interrupted, his voice as schooled as always. "Even skin as delicate as yours." Before she could formulate another apology, he cocked his head slightly the side. "It takes intent to insult, as well." He seemed to think, then suddenly tossed his head back and gave Nihlus an almost annoyed look. "You know that my knowledge of human anatomy doesn't extend to this context. And I know yours does. So show me."

"Yes, sir." Nihlus' eyes were sparkling with amusement. "The class is now in session," he intoned in a mock formal tone, but the effect was utterly ruined by the barely hidden laughter in his undertones, and Shepard found herself chuckling as well.

But then Saren placed his hands on the arch of her ribs, a surprisingly gentle touch, and although his expression was more of intense concentration than of interest or desire, there was nothing threatening or even unkind about it.

Before she could consider this, Nihlus moved his hands over Saren's, taking this direct route to simply guide him. His voice took a mischievous note. "Human skin is about as sensitive as an asari's, but the hot-spots are different."

Saren didn't reply, and Nihlus looked at him sideways. "You are familiar with asari, aren't you?"

Saren's look was blank, giving nothing away. "If you are fishing for information, then it's a crude attempt, and I hope I taught you better than that."

Nihlus' mandibles flared in a smile, and he actually winked at Shepard as he gently slid Saren's hands up her body. "Like so. Keep it slow. You'll see where she likes it."

Shepard glanced down at their linked hands, dark over pale, sliding over her skin, and something in that visual took away whatever hesitation or reservation she might have had left. She relaxed, leaned back and let them take over. Their hands roamed over her breasts, and she arched into the touch.

"I see what you mean," Saren said, and received a chuckle in reply.

Nihlus let go of Saren's hands for a moment, and like the seasoned team she knew them to be, Saren shifted his grip on her breasts, cupping them, while Nihlus slid his hands down to her hips, stripping off the rest of her clothes with quick, casual efficiency.

Then his hands were on her thighs, which felt good, far too good, but she wriggled slightly, and he immediately let go of her, expression questioning.

"Not fair," she said. "You're still dressed."

To her surprise, there was a low rumble from Saren that might have been amusement. "She has a point."

Nihlus echoed that rumble and withdrew to shrug his clothes off with an admirable lack of concern.

Shepard only caught a glimpse of his bare shape, however, because Saren very effectively distracted her by leaning in, tips of his mandibles tracing over her shoulder, and she turned to watch him.

His face was disturbing to see, all hard lines and sharp edges, and his teeth looked decidedly dangerous. What a strange contrast to the tentative way he touched his tongue to her skin. He licked over her collarbone, the tip of his tongue warm, almost hot, the texture rough and teasing.

"That goes for you, too," she whispered, and felt rather than saw him pause.

"Fair enough." He had his composure back almost immediately, but she took a moment to smile at the idea that she had done something he hadn't expected.

Her triumph was short lived, however, because Nihlus' hands were back on her, thumbs stroking over the skin of her inner thighs, and sudden desire flared through her, making her groan. Then she was suddenly gathered up and pulled backwards, and found herself leaning against Saren, the feel of his bare plates warm against her back.

His tongue was back on her collar bone, delicately tracing the line towards her neck, then working his way over to her breast. He was a quick study, she thought distractedly. Then Nihlus' tongue trailed over the inner side of her thigh, and she let out an entirely undignified yelp.

Saren replied with a startled growl, apparently surprised by her reaction, but Nihlus just chuckled. "Relax, and enjoy." He didn't wait for her reply before continuing upwards.

She didn't have time to say anything because arousal flashed through her like wildfire when his tongue parted her folds, tasting her. Oh yes. Nihlus knew what he was doing. Her hips opened towards him, an unmistakable invitation.

"That's usually a sign you're doing something right," he muttered, back in instructing mode.

"I'll try to remember that." Saren's voice was dry, but quieter than usual.

It was all she could do to suppress a scream when Nihlus' tongue circled her clit, and she writhed in their grasp, not sure whether to draw him close, seek more friction, or push him back and slow down, because as things were, she was too close to breaking limit already. Certainly she should have more control than this. Another lick, and she tensed, now fully intending to push him back, but Saren suddenly leaned close to her neck again, his breath calm and steady but hot against her skin.

"Don't resist." His tone was a strange mixture of his usual annoyance and something different, slightly more friendly. "It's not an endurance contest." There was a short pause. "Well, at least not yet. Knowing Nihlus, he might get ideas." With that, he very calmly and deliberately traced his tongue over her breast again, curling it almost lazily around a nipple.

There was a sound from Nihlus that could only be amused agreement, but it didn't even distract him. He licked her once more, and gently slid a finger inside her. She moaned at the sudden feeling of being spread, then gave a strangled gasp as he curled the finger, sliding along the sensitive spot. She wasn't sure, but she thought she heard him chuckle again, and then his tongue was back on her clit in a sweet slide, swirling, pushing her right over. She whimpered as the sudden rush of release ran through her, making her clamp down on his finger, shuddering violently in Saren's arms.

Nihlus rumbled softly and lifted his head, looking at her as he withdrew his finger. She was still trying to get air back into her lungs, so any smart comments from her side were still out, but he surprised her by leaning in, giving her a quick lick over the cheekbone. He drew back quickly, as if vaguely embarrassed by the action, and settled for a strange expression between amused and aroused.

"Nice. You have a hair-trigger like a fine sniper rifle." It didn't sound like criticism, and before she could form some reply along the lines that it had been a while, he continued with a very familiar sparkle in his eyes. "Let's see what the cool down time is."

Saren shook his head. "That metaphor..."

"Works for me. Last time, I-" Nihlus shot back, and something in his demeanour told her that this sort of banter wasn't new to the two of them, as hard as that was to believe.

"No. Please. Spare me the details."

He couldn't possibly be serious. And yet, she'd never have tagged him to have any sense of humour. Swallowing down her wonder, she couldn't quite keep the smile off her face. It was strange, but none of this felt awkward. It felt friendly, something she would have never attributed to anything involving Saren, under any circumstances.

"Still, that was a nice sound just now," Nihlus mused, his voice almost a drawl. "I want to hear that again, only a bit louder. And longer."

This time she really laughed. "You'll have to work for that."

"I'm a Spectre. I'm used to hard work." His fingers trailed over her, then he leaned in to taste her other nipple.

Saren shook his head again. "Might as well distract him or he'll never shut up." He took her hand and guided it to the back of Nihlus' neck. A few gentle touches arranged her fingers at certain points on the softer skin between the broad scales running down the centre of Nihlus' nape. "There." Saren's hand closed over hers, making her fingers dig in gently but firmly, and Nihlus gasped.

"Not fair," Nihlus ground out as Shepard drew him closer and Saren released her hand again.

"And that comes as a surprise?" Saren wondered aloud, but the sarcasm was, for once, toned down.

"Not really," Nihlus conceded in a slightly distracted tone. He licked her breast again, then grazed his teeth over the same area in a slow, measured motion that barely touched her skin. She trusted him not to bite her, but the illusion of danger in this sent a spike of adrenalin-fueled arousal through her spine.

Her fingers clenched around Nihlus' scales, and he threw his head back with a growl. For a split second she wondered whether she'd been too rough without meaning to, but the expression on his face was readable even to her and it was clear enough that he was enjoying this.

Then it was her turn to groan again as Saren's tongue curled around the nipple that Nihlus had just released. He grazed his teeth over her skin just like Nihlus had done, and somehow that made her react even stronger. Maybe it was just that despite his words, with Saren the illusion of danger wasn't guaranteed to remain an illusion.

His hands slid over her hips, came to rest on her thighs, and she couldn't help comparing and noting the differences. His touch was lighter, slower, the palms not as smooth as Nihlus'.

Nihlus licked over her jaw, then slid his hand down between her legs, drawing another breathy moan from her. "Short cooldown," he concluded, and while he was right in principle, that metaphor was really painful.

Only one way to distract him. She pulled his head close towards her shoulder, then reared herself up and wrapped her leg over his hips, drawing him down.

He gave a startled chuckle, but complied readily enough, and the chuckle turned into a growl as she ground herself against him. She could feel plates shift underneath her flesh, a very promising hardness just barely touching her, and she instinctively clung tighter with her legs, seeking more contact.

His growl dropped in pitch as he gripped her waist, adjusting her position, then pushed into her, ever so slowly.

She appreciated the concern, really, but she was sure he was holding back for her sake only. Pure lust made her forget about unknowns and differences in anatomy, and she flexed her legs, pulling him in hard.

He had been unprepared, so she got what she wanted as he crashed onto and into her, and the sudden feeling of him stretching her made her go rigid with a sharp hiss.

Nihlus reared back at that sound, worried, starting to draw back, but she locked her legs around him, stopping the retreat.

They were too near for her to see, but she could tell that he was different from a human male both in shape and texture, although it was far from unmanageable. For a split second it was uncomfortable, unfamiliar, but then her body adjusted to the sudden fullness, and the slight discomfort was gone, replaced by languid warmth.

Nihlus stared down at her, confused, then twitched his mandibles at her grin. "So much for going slow."

Behind her, she heard Saren make a sound that had to be amusement.

"Appreciated, but not necessary," she replied. "Go on, or are you going to make me beg?"

"No." His eyes sparkled with both humour and growing need. "Not right now, at least. There will be time enough for that later."

She didn't have time to reply to that statement, because he thrust into her, and the breath she'd drawn to tell him precisely what chance he had of making her beg was instead turned into a drawn-out moan. The slide of him inside her had her gasp with pleasure. She rolled her hips, experimentally, which made Nihlus growl something under his breath.

Another thrust from him that she met with equal enthusiasm, and she stopped thinking about the technical details. Stopped thinking about the differences in anatomy and technique. Stopped thinking, and just held on to him as they fell into a rhythm, shaky and tentative at first, then building into something faster and urgent.

She let her head fall back against Saren's shoulder, felt his hands slide up her body to grip her breasts again, more firmly this time. The pads of his thumbs drew over her nipples, and she arched her back, then moaned as Nihlus thrust into her, harder this time. It was precisely what she wanted right now, and she whimpered, her fingers clenching into his scales. It seemed to urge him on, and the knowledge that she could do this to him, the way that he was responding to her touches, added to her own excitement.

Their pace was fast now, the sound of her own flesh against his scales in her ears, and she only became aware after a time that the short, broken moans over Nihlus' deep growls were her own. Her body strained against Saren's hands as she writhed against him, the rough feel of unyielding plates against her skin increasing the pleasure. Sensation built like a wave, making her feel tight and tense. Close, she thought, or maybe said aloud, and Nihlus' hands tightened on her waist. He leaned over her, then into her, a sharp move that made her cry out as she was suddenly balanced on the edge, voiceless, breathless. He was completely still, and if she could have found her voice, maybe she would have begged after all.

"Let go." Nihlus' voice was rough and dark, his face close to hers, his breath fast and hot against her skin. "Now."

He made a tiny move against her, not more than a nudge, but it was more than enough. She didn't have breath to scream as the wave broke and took her along, flooding her mind with white-hot sensation. Her muscles clenched, making her convulse against him, desperately clench around him.

He suddenly snarled, going rigid as he buried his face in the crook of her neck. The pitch of his snarl changed as he shivered, fingers curling into her skin.

The sudden move sent a series of aftershocks through her, and she gasped again, clinging to his neck while he shuddered through his own climax.

She stroked over his head as the tremors through his frame eased, vaguely wishing that she could see his face.

He lifted his head back to look at her, and it was impossible for her not to smile at his expression. He leaned in, briefly laying his cheek against hers, then shifted his weight backwards, retreating.

It made her much more aware of Saren, who was still holding her gently, his hands stroking over her skin. It was slow, and should maybe have felt calming, but that sudden awareness made her flinch with the beginnings of fresh desire.

A sobering thought: this might become awkward. At the moment, she was very much okay with his hands on her. More than that. She wanted him, and for a number of reasons - curiosity, lust, and the strange, sudden wish to see him moved by anything, to break that dismissive air of being always in control.

But what was he thinking about all of this? She didn't need to wonder about Nihlus, whose enthusiasm and enjoyment were plain enough despite all the differences. With Saren, anything was possible. She wasn't familiar enough with turians in general to tell whether he was even interested, whether the pleasure she'd just shared with Nihlus had even touched him. She couldn't read the signs of arousal in a turian, but he seemed too calm to her to be affected. His hands were on her body, but whether that was meant as a caress or whether he was merely cataloguing her reactions and the temperature and tension in her skin wasn't at all obvious, and whether he felt any desire, or it was merely distant scientific interest, was even less so. Maybe he wasn't into aliens, after all.

From the corner of her eyes she saw Nihlus settle down, and his voice was still a bit shaky, but laced with his usual humour. "And that concludes the demonstration about human females. Any further questions from the class?"

That was clearly directed at Saren, and Shepard could just imagine his expression. "No, I think the concept is clear."

"Well then. Let's see your technique." Nihlus' tone still held amusement, but there was an edge to it. He wanted this, more than he let on.

Saren drew his hand down her side, and there was something deliberate about it that made the simple motion into something loaded with intent. His hand came to rest on her thigh, and with anyone else she would have called it teasing, but with Saren it was probably just a question. She tried not to squirm, nor to appear too impatient or eager, but was probably unsuccessful. "Go on," she said, hesitated, then added, "if you want to."

He replied with a deep sound that wasn't quite a sigh. "Yes." His tone turned wry. "That display was compelling. Any turian would be hard pressed not to respond."

His hand slid between her legs, rough scales stroking over her flesh, and she leaned into the touch without thinking. The fingers of his other hand gripped her hip, holding her as he shifted under her, a mere hint of pressure against her folds. His grip tensed as he pushed up, entering her fully in a single deep stroke.

She jerked back against him, the brief discomfort of that initial shock almost immediately blossoming into glowing, spreading warmth as her body got used to the feel of him.

He kept very still, and she had the absurd notion that he was wondering whether that had been too rough. Before she could think herself out of it - because this was Saren, after all - she leaned back into him. "Don't worry," she murmured, not bothering to hide her smile. "I'm not going to break."

His tone was dry. "No. You wouldn't."

She might have answered in turn, but he licked the side of her neck slowly, while moving just as slowly in her, and that felt far too good to leave her inclined to pick a quarrel with him. As much as their minds were at odds and for all the differences between them, their bodies settled into a rhythm that transcended species with an unsettling ease.

This was completely different from the fast-paced passion she had shared with Nihlus. The pace Saren set was slow, almost dreamy. The position they were in left him free to touch her, and his hands were roaming over her body in an unhurried manner, mapping the expanses of her skin in gentle exploration. He was methodical in this, as in any action he took, seeking out sensitive spots, finding some that she herself hadn't been aware of. A slow stroke of his thumb against the skin under her breast, just over the arch of a rib made her sigh in unexpected pleasure.

There was something almost mesmerising in that slow rhythm and these slow touches. Normally, she would have already tried to take some control back, tried to heighten the pace to match the growing need she felt, but somehow this was different, and she was content to let him lead, for now.

It was unnerving, though, that she had so little clue as to what he was thinking and feeling. She couldn't see much of him, and couldn't touch much of him, and there was the distinct possibility that this was on purpose, because he didn't strike her as the sort of person to leave much to chance.

Saren leaned his head over her shoulder, angling down to flick his tongue over her nipple, and she slid her hand up the back of his neck. The large scales there were jagged and rougher than Nihlus', but the skin was just as soft, and, going by his rumbling, just as sensitive.

It wasn't much of a reaction, but it was enough to let her know that, while probably not balanced by far, this wasn't as one-sided as she had feared either, and the idea freed to enjoy his attentions properly.

The desire was a slow burn now, rather than the instant conflagration of the encounter with Nihlus, but that didn't make the sensation any lesser, and it was becoming difficult to think and analyse Saren's behaviour. He let out another deep growl as she ran her fingers higher up to the base of his fringe, stroking the unplated skin there.

Encouraged, she drew breath to ask what else she could do for him, when his thumb grazed over her clit, and the rush of sensation at that touch took her breath away. She jerked, leaning into him, needing more of this, needing it now.

He rumbled close to her ear, and there was a trace of amusement in his voice. "That is clear enough."

She became aware that she had put her other hand over his, an involuntary effort to keep him touching her. Sudden embarrassment made her draw back her hand and dampened down the lust that had clouded her mind, and he growled again.

"Don't retreat. Show me how you like to be touched." His tone turned slightly exasperated again. "It's challenging enough to be sure what you want, with your limited vocal range."

She frowned. "With you it would be in the sub-tones of your voice?"

"The concept, if not the details." He gave the side of her neck another lick, a quick flick of his tongue this time, and she acknowledged the distraction as what it was. His voice was very quiet. "This sort of feedback is required for mutual satisfaction."

She hadn't considered it this way. He was just as lost in trying to determine her reactions, just as much on unfamiliar territory as she was. And as difficult to believe as it was, it seemed that what he needed from her at this point was confirmation that she was enjoying herself. She never expected much consideration from him, let alone gentleness.

The dynamics of this was strange, because it didn't seem to be about control, or at least not in the way she was used to. With an unfamiliar partner, she would normally be guarded, hold back, because caution and pride and even unspoken custom prompted her to do so. With someone like him, sex should have become competitive, and a bit rough, a struggle for dominance. Any sign of aggression or overly dominant behaviour would have triggered an according response in her, something that wouldn't have ended well. Yet, he had so far avoided any action that could be interpreted as such, and with the admission that he needed to know she was enjoying his attentions, he was conceding something to her that he didn't have to. It was confusing.

She covered his hand with her own, this time on purpose, guided him to the exact spot, then arched her back again as he proved that he took instruction very well. "Like so. Keep that up, and I-"

The words she tried to form dissolved into a breathy moan, as he timed that slow but intense caress to the equally slow rhythm they kept. Another slow thrust, another slide of delicious friction. He leaned over her shoulder, and his voice was low, devoid of its usual sharpness. "Relax. It's fine."

He apparently had established a baseline, and the thought made her want to laugh, but then fled from her mind as he moved against her again.

Saren licked the side of her neck again, finding an unlikely spot just below her jaw that made her sigh in pleasure. Heat flushed through her, building in a steady pulse, in time to the rhythm they had found, and it felt strange, because instead of straining against him in instinctive search for release, something in his touch made her close her eyes and relax even further in his arms. She was melting, coming undone by that steady, slow friction. The excitement was building up, inescapably, urged on by the deliberate motion of his fingers, the gliding of his plated body under hers.

She gasped as he suddenly tilted his hips in a sinuous movement, her fingers curling at the increase of intensity. Her fingernails pressed into his hand and the back of his neck, and he groaned, heaving against her, his whole body tensing.

The break in rhythm and the sudden deep thrust gave her precisely what she needed, and she cried out as pleasure crested and peaked. Tension dissolved into a white-hot rush of pure ecstasy that seared through her body. She was writhing against him, all control gone in the throes of her release.

Saren's snarl was definitely startled, as if he hadn't quite expected such a reaction, but his own removed all doubt as to whether he was able to enjoy this. To Shepard's delight, he wasn't far behind. His grip on her tightened, a hint of restrained strength that merely served to add to her enjoyment as he held her in place. A deep shudder racked his frame, and his mouth was suddenly pressed against the crook of her neck. A distant part of her wondered whether he was going to bite, but he merely kept contact with her skin.

Compared to Nihlus' full-hearted and open enjoyment, his climax was subdued and almost silent, a sharp quickening of breath, a hard shiver, a deep growl just barely inside her hearing range. But what she felt from him was unmistakable.

Finally, he slipped out of her, but his hands remained on her body, still stroking her slowly, with just the right pressure to send another, echoed wave of pleasure through her, taking what was left of any tension out of her body. Against all odds... his touch was calming.

She came to as Saren set her down gently. "That was lovely," she said.

He just brushed his mandibles over her shoulder, which might have been a reply.

"No. That was hot." Nihlus sounded dazed, and a look at him confirmed that. "I would never have imagined it like that." He shut his jaws with an audible click.

Shepard had to smile. "I'm probably going to regret asking, but was it that you imagined, precisely?"

His mandibles fluttered in a way she had never seen on him, and if she hadn't known better she'd taken it for embarrassment. "Never mind," he said and shook his head, watching Saren. "You sure you don't know anything about humans in this context?"

"I am. It's not a matter of experience, but of careful observation."

"I find that hard to believe."

Saren's mandibles twitched in a strange way. "Am I to take that as a veiled request to demonstrate this principle on you?"

"Yes," Nihlus said, sounding almost breathless.

"I see." Saren narrowed his eyes. "Why not just say so?"

"I just did."

Shepard grinned, both at Nihlus' seductive expression and Saren's exasperated huff. She retreated, giving them more space, and then Saren reached for him.

From the eager way Nihlus allowed himself to be gathered up and drawn close, his back to Saren's chest, she concluded there was a lot more than mere curiosity on Nihlus' part. She had always been curious about the true nature of their relationship; watching them now was enough to make her sit back and just stare for a while. The interplay of their similarities and differences was fascinating, and more than a little compelling.

Nihlus was a little taller, more muscular, a smooth-scaled figure draped with a gradient of dark colours: a pale tan down the middle of his chest to his belly, darkening to a deep red on his sides. There was a crimson pattern breaking the dark skin, splashes of colour that fit in perfectly with the dramatic white stripes on his face, continuing down his torso and thighs. His plates had a faint sheen, the warm gleam of polished wood rather than the cold shine of metal.

Saren, on the other hand, was almost uniformly grey, with no markings that she could see, and by colour alone she couldn't tell plates from skin. He was sleek and lean, all sharp edges and pointy spines, the black claws on fingers and toes and the black spurs breaking pointedly from the pale shades of his body. When the light caught his bare plates at the right angle, there was a subtle metallic sheen to them that made him look cold and silver.

Entwined as they were, the contrast between them in both colour and shape was almost abstract, like a work of art, something she could admire but dared not touch.

Then Nihlus laughed at something Saren whispered to him, and the strange spell was broken.

A distant part of her was busy analysing what they were doing, but what really amazed her was the tenderness. Sure, they had both been very gentle with her, but she had mostly put that down to being careful with her soft, exposed skin and was surprised to find it lingering in the way they touched each other.

She knew that what she had seen in questionable movies about turian sexual habits was probably just as representative of 'real life' as human porn movies were, but still, she expected to witness some sort of struggle for dominance, however brief or well-hidden. There was none to be seen. Not even the playful moves to show the other who was in charge. Every movement, every caress spoke of affection. Going by their behaviour she'd have thought they were longtime lovers, although she knew from their words before that they were not.. Saren was, difficult to read as ever, but there was an air of softness about him now that she'd never seen before.

He licked Nihlus' shoulder, then grazed his teeth over his neck. The gentle nibbles made Nihlus giggle and gasp in obvious pleasure.

"I can't believe you - ah -"

His words turned into a groan as Saren closed his teeth on the side of his neck. It wasn't really a bite, just a grip, and Nihlus arched back, deeper into the contact. Shepard frowned, thinking how easy it would be for a casual observer to misinterpret the act. Suddenly she was sure that this was exactly what gave turians the reputation of playing rough.

"You're going to drive me crazy," Nihlus stated, voice slightly shaky and implying that he didn't have any objections whatsoever.

"Hmmm." Saren pretended to be thoughtful. "The idea has a certain appeal."

Shepard would have continued to watch, but Saren suddenly looked up at her, and there was undeniable amusement in his tone. "You are welcome to join, if you wish."

That was unexpected; he sounded as if he genuinely wanted her involved. Shepard rolled over and raised herself up.

Nihlus rumbled as she ran her hands over his sides, then threw his head back when Saren grazed a claw over the gap in his dorsal plates.

Shepard took the time to explore Nihlus' patterning, tracing the markings on his face with careful fingertips, following them down along his body.

"You're beautiful," she said, softly, then winced in anticipation of another disparaging comment from Saren.

To her surprise, all she got was an amused hum. "So you do have some sense of aesthetics."

"Didn't know you even noticed," Nihlus said dreamily, and she wasn't quite sure which of them he meant.

Saren growled, almost annoyed. "I keep forgetting your need to be lavished with compliments at all times."

Nihlus just chuckled, deflecting the comment, and Shepard gave in to temptation to stroke over his cheekplate, then cup his mandible, feeling it twitch into a smile at her exploration. His eyes were half closed, clearly at ease and enjoying himself. Encouraged, she slipped her fingers under the mandible, touching the surprisingly soft skin at its root, and along his jaw.

His purr hitched, as if surprised, and Saren clicked his mandibles in a vaguely disapproving way. "Don't," he said, sounding reluctant, and if she hadn't know better, she would have thought, even scandalised. "That's -"

"No," Nihlus interrupted, and there was an undertone of something in his voice that she couldn't place. "Let her." His eyes opened fully, seeking hers. "You can touch me any way you like."

Some expression crossed Saren's face, too brief for her to try and identify, then he was calm again.

Shepard smiled at Nihlus, although part of her wondered about that exchange. She knew turians were in general not as comfortable being touched as most humans were, but Nihlus had always been relaxed in his attitude. Maybe that was the reason for Saren's disapproval.

"I see." Saren's voice was neutral, giving nothing away, but going by the way he had stilled, this had to have some significance that eluded her.

Nihlus leaned his head against Saren, half-closing his eyes again. "And so can you."

Saren part snorted, part growled and, after a faint shake of his head, went back to grazing his teeth over Nihlus' shoulder.

Whatever had had just happened, it seemed resolved. But there was an opportunity here that she couldn't ignore.

"Saren. Teach me how to touch him."

Saren appeared to consider for a moment, then nodded. He reached, one hand casually covering hers, then guided her just the way Nihlus had guided him before.

Their joined hands lingered over a spot on Nihlus' upper torso, on a seam between the long diagonal plates. Saren nudged her fingers over it in a slow stroke, with much less pressure that she would have thought effective. He couldn't even feel that through the plates, could he?

"There. If he wants you to continue, he'll let you know."

Nihlus turned in Saren's arms, twisting his torso to the side, and curved towards their linked hands. The plates shifted, and a narrow strip of dark, soft skin became exposed. Nihlus exhaled in a growl that was quickly dropping in pitch.

"That counts as permission," Saren said, still with a hint of amusement, but Shepard thought she saw some gentler expression in him as he looked down on Nihlus' face. "The skin is sensitive there, and it's a very vulnerable area. Your nails aren't sharp, but be careful regardless." He guided her fingers over the gap between the plates, a light slide over surprisingly smooth skin. "Like that. An effective way to get his attention."

Nihlus almost whimpered. "How the hell do you know that?"

"That's classified." The humour was clear now, and it lacked the bite Saren usually put into it. "Now try here." He guided Shepard's hands down on Nihlus' waist, showed her how to trail her fingers over the expanses of unplated skin. Going by the sounds Nihlus was making, he wholeheartedly approved. "Try a firmer grip there."

"It's official. The two of you are killing me." Nihlus gasped, and the undertones in his voice held enough meaning even for Shepard.

"You never had any concept of patience," Saren said and cut off any potential reply with a quick nibble at the back of his neck. "Don't mind his complaining, Shepard."

She had to grin at that. "I don't. I know him, after all." While speaking, she leaned in to kiss the other side of Nihlus' neck and was rewarded by a deepening growl. Something in that sound resonated at unlikely places within her, and she shifted slightly, suddenly very much aware that she was far from being unaffected by his very vocal enjoyment. None of this was happening the way she would have expected, but she certainly wasn't complaining.

"You don't seem to have much patience either," Saren continued. He didn't wait for an answer and instead guided her hand down between Nihlus' legs.

Plates shifted aside under her fingers, leaving him open to her touch in a rush of slickness. She ran her hand over him, exploring the unfamiliar shape and texture by touch. Nihlus was rumbling in appreciation, encouraging her to experiment. She drew near, touched her lips to his shaft, and ran her tongue over his length, sampling the strange, slightly metallic taste. Alien, but not unpleasant, not at all.

His reaction to her touch was familiar despite the differences in anatomy, and she was very curious to see how far the similarities went. Another slow lick, just to make sure that he had enough warning, then she carefully took him into her mouth.

He tasted like metal and heat, and something else she couldn't name. He snarled at the contact; the tone was alien but the underlying emotion wasn't, and she smiled, slowly working her lips around him. Likely that wasn't the first time he'd had this done to him. Good.

"That doesn't look safe," Saren muttered, and Shepard barely refrained from rolling her eyes.

"You have no idea what you're talking about," Nihlus said, his voice unsteady. "You really don't. I mean it. It feels... oh. Oh. Like that. Yes."

Apparently the similarities were many. She kept it slow, drawing back, then taking him in again. A very light graze of her teeth against the ridges had him say something incoherent beyond the ability of her translator, but at this point she felt confident about what she was doing.

She caressed the smooth, flat plane of his stomach, feeling muscles tense up under the unplated skin, but he didn't try to push up or thrust against her, apparently content to let her set the pace. When she looked up, she saw that he had thrown his head back, eyes closed, allowing Saren to nibble slowly at the lower edge of one mandible. One of his hands was wrapped around the back of Saren's head, the other rested against his own side, Saren's hand over it, their fingers interlinked.

It was a beautiful picture, both sensual and somehow, peaceful. Shepard closed her eyes again and made a slow slide upwards, then sucked him deeper into her mouth, teasing the ridges with her tongue.

Nihlus whimpered, then pulled back, and she let go of him immediately. Lifting her head, she smiled at the way his peaceful expression had been replaced by something needy, almost desperate.

"So," Shepard said playfully. "Which one of us do you want, now?"

There was a flicker of something in his eyes, some emotion she couldn't quite catch, and when he spoke, his undertones were strange. "Can't... Don't make me choose between you."

Something made her look past him at Saren. There was a measuring expression on his features, and this time she could read the unspoken question in his eyes. It gave her pause; was she really ready for this?  
After a moment of serious consideration, she gave a slight nod in agreement.

"You don't have to, here and now," Saren said. Shepard saw him change the grip on Nihlus' shoulders, and then he pushed him forward, on top of her.

He wasn't exactly gentle, and she landed on her back, Nihlus a pleasantly solid weight on her, and a pleasantly hard sensation against her thigh. She bit back a scream as he bore down on her, sliding into her in one smooth thrust. He was looking at her, green eyes hazy, bracing himself up on his lower arms and obviously fighting to remain in control.

Shepard felt the brush of rough scales against her thighs as Saren's hands ghosted over her skin, then over Nihlus', and she saw him close his eyes at the touch. He lowered his head, pressing his cheek against hers, and she took the chance to stroke his fringe. "What do you want me to do?" she whispered.

"Just...be there." His voice was soft, with a touch of hesitation that she couldn't explain. There was no time. His weight shifted as Saren leaned over him, and he shuddered, his breath catching, turning into a low groan. From the way he suddenly went rigid, then eased down and deeper into her, she could tell he was liking what Saren was doing, and very much so.

Suddenly, a pair of rougher hands was on her hips, lifting her up, flush against Nihlus, and she instinctively clung to him, wrapping her legs around his hips. One of Saren's hands slid to the small of her back, holding her close to Nihlus, and she felt him move from the other side.

Nihlus growled, a deep rumbling sound of pleasure that translated well across the cultural barriers, and the thrust sent him even deep into her, making her gasp for air.

She kept herself as pliant as she could, trying to figure out the strange rhythm they were building. It was slow, a gliding, sinuous move of their bodies that felt unlike anything she had ever experienced before, and she knew she couldn't match that on her own. It didn't matter; Saren held her in place, guiding her along with them, and she let him, just as Nihlus seemed to do.

Nihlus was very vocal in his pleasure, strange harmonics rolling down his growls in a way understandable even to her. Saren, in contrast, was silent save for occasional deep, rough grunting. She wasn't at all quiet herself, and from Nihlus' expression, he liked it.

But then Saren suddenly nipped his shoulder, and Nihlus whimpered, a sudden shiver running through him. Shepard saw Saren move his head, making Nihlus snarl, a breathless, irregular sound, and it took her a moment to realise that Saren had closed his jaws on the back of his neck. For a moment worried, she searched his face for any hint of discomfort, but there were none. If anything, he looked slightly dreamy. In fact, his voice had deepened further, and the sounds he was making didn't help her maintain composure, as every long thrust brought her closer to her limit. He seemed to be close as well, and without thinking she cupped his mandibles with her hands, framing his face, and held him steady.

His eyes focused on her, vaguely confused. She couldn't quite explain, but she tried. "I want to see you. Let me see you?"

There was a flicker of amusement, and delight, in his eyes, and then he leaned his face into her hands, which was answer enough.

Her perception narrowed down on the sensation of him plunging into her again and again, slickened plates against her flesh, the firm pressure of warm fingers against the small of her back, and Nihlus' face filling her vision.

Saren growled, a deep sound that probably held a wealth of meaning her translator couldn't pick up, and leaned fully into Nihlus.

He went rigid, and knowing what that meant, she deliberately rolled her hips, grinding herself against his plates to urge him on.

Saren growled again, his hand drawing her ever closer to Nihlus, and for a moment he was frozen between them, trembling. His expression was a slack-mouthed, mandible-splayed bliss, open and unguarded and so intense it made her dizzy. She stroked his mandibles, felt Saren make some tiny move, and that pushed him right over.

He arched his back, a strange multi-tonal scream drawn from his throat, and she felt him twitch and jerk above and inside her. The intensity of his climax took her by surprise, took her right along with him, a blind plunge into free fall. Her vision blanked out for a timeless moment, white-out, but she held on to him, clung tight to him, as if her life depended on it.

From the way his voice changed she could tell he felt it, and he shuddered again, accompanied by a low snarl from Saren, but she was too lost in the moment to register anything more than that.

Her vision tilted, and she was suddenly on her side, with Nihlus beside her. Out of the corner of her eyes she saw Saren lean over Nihlus briefly, then settle down on his other side, but she was too dazed yet to process any of it.

There was no sound other than their harsh breathing.

Shepard was still recovering when Nihlus wriggled between them, stretching himself luxuriously into a more comfortable position before relaxing again. A clearly contented purr started out in his throat.

"That was..." she said, but her voice trailed off as she tried to find the words.

"Awesome," Nihlus supplied with a chuckle.

"Satisfactory," Saren concluded.

Nihlus didn't seem to be alarmed. "Still believe this was a mistake?"

"No. I'm convinced it was."

Something in Saren's tone made Shepard uneasy, but Nihlus just chuckled. "Doesn't matter. We have plenty of time to change your mind. I look forward to that."

Saren didn't reply, and Shepard raised herself up on her elbows to look at him, but he had curled up on his side, and his eyes were closed. For a moment, she was almost amused, because that was such a human cliche, then she remembered a fragment of conversation she had wondered about but not followed up on before.

"Nihlus, what did you mean before, that he wasn't sleeping?"

Nihlus hesitated, then shrugged. "He's not comfortable sleeping with anyone else around." Anyone he doesn't trust, he didn't say, didn't need to say.

She took some seconds to process that. They had been stranded her for days now. She wasn't even counting the time he must have stayed awake and alert while the so-called pirates had been hunting him. "Is that... normal?"

"Is anything about him normal?" Nihlus muttered, clearly unwilling to say anything further on the subject.

Shepard frowned. It had to be more that just trust issues, of course, but she wasn't going to pry. He had the right idea, too, she thought, suppressing a sudden yawn. After all, they weren't going anywhere anytime soon, and if against all odds some other ship came close, the VI would know before any of them.

She curled up against Nihlus, wondering only after the fact whether turians did that.

Apparently, this one did, because he casually wrapped his arm around her and she simply shut down, contented to just be.


	5. Chapter 5

Waking up naked snuggled against a relaxed turian was a thing to remember. Nihlus' plates were smooth and warm against her skin. His arm was still draped around her. He was awake, though, lazily stroking her skin with his fingers. She lifted her head, met his contented expression, then lifted herself up further to have a look past him.

Saren was still curled up on his side, eyes closed, for all appearances dead to the world. She looked at Nihlus again, who grinned, winked at her in a way that he must have picked up from humans, then raised himself on his side and looked towards Saren as well.

Shepard suppressed a chuckle as she read the intent in both the way he held himself and the sparkle in his eyes. He looked back at her, and she nodded towards Saren, reinforcing the gesture by standard Alliance hand signals Nihlus was fluent with.

_Move forward. I'll cover your back._

His mandibles flared into a broad grin as he leaned over, clearly intending to nuzzle Saren's shoulder.

Shepard could have sworn nothing changed in Saren's pose or even breathing rhythm, but before Nihlus could make contact, he snorted. "Haven't you got that out of your system yet?" He hadn't even opened his eyes, and his tone was, if anything, slightly annoyed.

Nihlus didn't even blink as he completed the move, nibbling at one pale shoulder. "Nope."

Saren cracked his eyes open, turning around to face him. "I should have known better."

Nihlus seemed to think that was funny, but Shepard wasn't so sure. The vague sense of unease disappeared when she saw Saren's expression soften again in that indefinable way as he leaned his head back slightly, settling into Nihlus' embrace.

The contrast between them struck her again, just as the harmony in their movements. It spoke of intimacy; they might not have been lovers before this, but they clearly knew each other very well, far beyond the need for many words. It was a slow, leisurely play of light touches and strangely delicate licks, until Nihlus gave a growl that was half arousal and half humour.

"You're still trying to drive me crazy, aren't you?"

"Not the main purpose, but an amusing side effect." Saren's voice was dead-pan, but the effect was rather ruined with his gasp as Nihlus hooked his fingers into some sensitive spots on his sides.

"We'll see about that."

Whatever reply Saren might have had to that was lost as Nihlus applied his mouth to his collar, skillfully nibbling along the inner curve.

Shepard was pleased to see that Nihlus was more than holding his own against the other Spectre. The details of their playful contest might have been lost on her, but she could tell that Nihlus was in control this time, and Saren didn't seem to have an issue with that.

Dark hands roamed over silvery plates with a slow appreciation that bordered on reverence. Nihlus was nibbling on the lower edge of Saren's left mandible, which seemed to have quite an effect on him.

Saren suddenly jerked his head back, and Shepard had the strange impression that although it sounded like his usual impatience there was something more behind it. "You don't have to do that. Just go ahead -"

Nihlus seemed startled for a moment, and then he snarled, as if at the end of his patience. "Like that, you mean?" He closed his fingers around Saren's upper arms, spun him around and pushed him down, a sudden, rather forceful move.

Saren tensed slightly but offered no resistance.

Nihlus sighed, and shook his head. "I don't think so. We're not just soldiers in the barracks with our blood up from battle and some time to kill." He raised himself up to his knees with a faint smile. "Don't try to make this impersonal. It won't work."

Saren didn't reply, but after a moment he lowered his head in something that might have been acquiescence, although it wasn't quite clear whether he was conceding or was merely unwilling to continue the discussion.

Nihlus' touches became gentle again as he leaned over Saren, sliding a hand around a silvery plated hip, underneath him. Saren jerked up in response with a sharp snarl that was nothing like his usual expression, turning to look back at Nihlus. Nihlus let out a low, rumbling growl and bent his head to nibble at Saren's cheek spine.

Saren's snarl gave way to a lower, calmer sound, and he stretched, easing into Nihlus' grip as he leaned on his lower arms, clawed fingers splayed against the sheets, the tips catching in the fabric.

Nihlus slid up against him, the hand he had nested in Saren's groin pressing flat against the pubic plates, tips of his fingers digging carefully into the widening gap. Saren groaned and raised his hips in an unmistakable gesture of invitation.

Shepard suppressed a grin. Apparently not even Saren was immune to Nihlus' skills. His breath was coming faster, and as Nihlus ran his other had over his left side, his mouth opened in a gasp that was almost certainly involuntary. Nihlus' growl had turned into that deep purr, a rolling, melodic sound. His hand stroked over Saren's flank again, then gripped his hip. His own hips pushed forward, guard plates sliding aside on contact, then he bore down on Saren, easing himself into him in a slow, continuous move.

Saren arched his back, and his hands clenched into the sheets, muscles gone rigid. His mandibles were drawn back, his mouth hanging slightly open, Shepard wasn't sure whether in aggression, pleasure, pain, or all of that at once. Nihlus didn't seem worried, though, although he tilted his head as if vaguely puzzled. Instead, he leaned closer to lick the side of Saren's neck.

The tension in Saren's frame eased, and his expression softened. The lick turned into a graze of teeth over skin, and Saren shifted, lifted a hand and reached back to Nihlus' cheek. He dragged his claws over the dark fringe blades, then pulled his head close. His tongue flicked out, a quick pass over Nihlus' mouth.

Nihlus groaned, then returned the gesture. Their tongues touched, just the tips, in a strangely delicate gesture, then Nihlus nipped Saren's collar and moved against him, slowly, almost tentatively. Saren shifted, then relaxed into Nihlus' grip, allowing himself to be held. His plates opened under the pressure of Nihlus' touch and he jerked hard as Nihlus gripped his shaft, then settled again as Nihlus' other hand trailed down his arm to cover his hand.

Another slow thrust of Nihlus' hips made Saren groan in a low voice, and maybe there were words in the sounds they made, but they eluded Shepard's translator. There was a fluidity to their motion, an unconscious sinuous grace that kept to its own unhurried pace.

Saren kept his head half turned, his hand resting on Nihlus fringe, fingers caressing the blades in tiny circular motions. It made Nihlus flare his mandibles in pleasure, and gradually increase the speed of his thrusts and the slide of his hand. A turn of his wrist and a slide of his blunted claws rather than his fingers had Saren throw his head back, mouth open in a soundless snarl of pleasure. Nihlus leaned his head close, his tongue darting into Saren's mouth for a quick pass. He withdrew, playfully, not in the least surprised as Saren's fingers tightened on his fringe, drawing him in for a deeper taste.

There was passion in every move they made, but there was also an underlying tenderness that set this apart from what Shepard was used to seeing in casual encounters between fellow soldiers. Aliens or not, she was certain that she was reading this right. There was emotion involved, and from Nihlus' side at least she could put a name or two to it. She wasn't sure what history there had been between them, but there was no doubt in her that there had been a history, and it apparently added to the intensity.

She didn't know who broke first, but she could see Saren buck his hips, and Nihlus curve his back into a beautiful, ecstatic arc as their voices merged into something strangely harmonic and perfectly balanced.

Then Nihlus just leaned down over Saren again, wrapped his arms around that pale frame and let himself fall to his side, taking Saren with him. He was breathing so hard that this flanks were heaving. Eyes closed, he pressed his face against Saren's shoulder.

Saren shuddered in reaction but kept still for a few moments. He seemed calm, his breathing already back to slow and normal. Nihlus opened his eyes, looked at Saren's impassive face and flared his mandibles into a wide smile. He nuzzled Saren's shoulder in what was clearly an affectionate gesture.

This wasn't what she had expected; a bit of smugness, maybe, from Nihlus, and some attempt on Saren's part to reestablish rank. Instead, Nihlus looked simply happy, and Saren reached over to brush his hand over the back of Nihlus' neck in a brief caress that made Nihlus close his eyes in contentment.

While not precisely what Shepard would have called cuddling, it seemed even more intimate than their coupling had been. She wondered whether they were still aware of her presence, and whether she was supposed to see that.

Then Nihlus opened his eyes again, and the mood in them went from dreamy to alert in a heartbeat as he turned to look at her. Saren rolled to his side, looking at her as well, and she couldn't quite interpret his expression.

"Enjoyed the show?" Nihlus sounded amused and not the least self-conscious.

Shepard blinked, as if waking from a trance. She swallowed, a bit uneasy. "Uh. Yes." Her voice was, annoyingly enough, far from steady. "You two..." She gave up. "You have no idea."

He laughed, but there was a world of mischief in his eyes. "I may have. What about you, though?"

"Oh, I'm fine. Very much so." In truth, she had been too absorbed in their display to pay attention to her own state, but now that she was back to herself, arousal asserted itself in her core as a deep, dull ache.

"Really." Nihlus' voice was a purr that made her stomach feel weak and probably was to be considered illegal in several more conservatively-minded star systems. "Wouldn't want you to feel left out."

Saren flicked one mandible in rare amusement, exchanged a look with Nihlus, then rolled over and sat up. His fingers stroked her collarbone, a very light caress that made her shiver despite herself. "He's right. That would be impolite."

She caught herself leaning into the touch, wondering whether she was being too obvious, pride warring with desire as she searched Saren's face, but found nothing but a calm invitation, tinged by something that might have been want.

But the brief internal conflict was undone when Nihlus came up behind her, wrapping his arms around her in a relaxed embrace. She leaned back into him, resting her head on his shoulder, and his purr deepened.

The contrast between them caught her again, not only in appearance but in behaviour as well. Nihlus was hugging her to his chest, his grip firm but familiar, knowing by instinct and experience that he was welcome. He was a warm, solid presence against her back, and his smooth plates rubbed against her skin in a slow, sensual slide. Saren was only barely touching her, a whisper of slightly rough palms and a hint of claw tips tracing her collar bone, then coming to rest on the swell of her breast, fingers splayed, just shy of brushing her nipples. There was a precision to his touch that might have been unnerving if she'd have allowed herself to think about it. Such a light touch, and yet it sent a thrum of excitement through her.

She was effectively trapped between two clearly interested males, and the ideas her imagination came up with as to how this situation could evolve were positively delicious. "What do you have in mind?"

Nihlus chuckled, but that purr was still in his voice, and the sound of it made her go weak in interesting places. "I'm sure that between the two of us we can keep you entertained. You'll see: we work well together."

"Do you," she whispered as Nihlus began to nuzzle the back of her neck.

Saren's expression was, if anything, thoughtful. "Maybe another demonstration is in order."

There was little hope that she could hold out against the two of them combined, but the fun was in the trying. The decision made, she reached out and pulled Saren's head closer, her fingers working the back of his neck. He growled, but let her pull him in. "Well then, let's see some teamwork."

***


	6. Chapter 6

Shepard woke with a jerk, but the scream that was stuck in her throat turned into a faint sound of distress that she quickly suppressed.

Her heart was racing, even as she told herself that it had been just a dream, that the reality was not the battlefield on Akuze but the cramped interior of Nihlus' ship, with the lights low, with Nihlus stretched out peacefully beside her, and Saren -

She lifted her head to look past Nihlus, and sure enough, Saren was sitting on the other side, back leaned against the wall, his small portable terminal balanced on his knees.

It was still difficult to catch him sleeping. He seemed to be able to get by on much less rest than either her or Nihlus.

She couldn't have made much noise but she Saren's eyes were on her, silvery-gray and devoid of expression.

She wouldn't have minded if it had just been Nihlus, who had seen her like this before, who had gotten the whole story out of her in that friendly and irresistible manner he had with everyone, and then never mentioned it again.

Saren, however, was a different factor. She might have been fine with sharing her body with him, but sharing personal details was out of the question. His habitual bad mood might have been restrained at the moment, and he might have been very gentle with her in the context of sex, but that didn't mean that he was suddenly a different person. She needed to remind herself of this fact, because somehow it was becoming easy to forget.

So she lifted her head almost defiantly at him, daring him to make anything out of this.

But all he said was, "If you have nothing better to do, you could help me with this."

Interested despite herself, she sat up. Nihlus twitched, on the verge of waking, and she put a hand over his left shoulder, a gesture that meant 'all safe'. She had never asked, but presumably that was something he'd trained himself into at some point in his military career. Shaking him on the left upper arm meant 'safe wake up', like when changing watch. The same on the right side meant 'wake up now, we're under attack.' She kept still, waiting until he relaxed again, then got up and stepped over him.

Saren regarded her with interest. "Is that something he taught you?"

Shepard shrugged. "He had to. I once tried shake him awake, made the wrong move, and he nearly took my face off."

Saren seemed doubtful, but not enough to discuss the subject any further.

She sat beside him, careful not to touch him. She hadn't quite figured out all the rules yet, but one of them was that outside of bedplay he didn't like being touched. Another thing that set him apart from Nihlus.

Shepard craned her neck, trying to look at his terminal. "What are you doing?"

Instead of answering, he held the terminal so that she could see. It took her a few moments of reading to make sure she understood: he was rewriting the security rulesets of the ship's VI framework. A bit paranoid, as they were alone in the middle of nowhere, and yet, fitting perfectly. He did have a paranoid streak. It made her smile and forget about her own apprehension.

"Are we expecting an attack?" she asked, not bothering to keep the doubt out of her voice.

"No. But it never hurts to be careful. Do you have any experience with this?"

"Some. Let's see what you have so far."

He gave her a measuring look. "Do you want a graphical representation?"

Shepard snorted. "For an overview? Of course not. Let's leave that for the actual test runs." Decisively, she reached for the terminal, and, with a split-second of hesitation, he let her have it.

Against all odds, after a while she found herself engaged in a lively discussion with him.

"No, that's just plain stupid," she said, pointing at the display. "I can get through that easily."

"I doubt that. It's a standard configuration that's widely used in Citadel space."

"Undetected," she insisted. "In five minutes or less."

Saren's eyes narrowed on her. "Prove it."

She didn't even pause. "Give me fifteen to hack together a program." Usually, she'd be more cautious, but as luck would have it, she was aware of a certain detail regarding this setup that she had discovered by chance some time back while researching something different. His reluctance to believe her was quite insulting, or so she thought.

One of his mandibles flicked in that annoying way he had when being dismissive. He didn't even have to say anything.

"Want to bet I can?" she challenged. "My best pistol upgrade against yours."

"Fine." He tapped a claw against his omnitool, setting a counter.

She ground her teeth and set to work, not bothering with any reply. The time limit was tight, and her skills a bit rusty, but there was no way she would let him win this one, not when she knew that she was right.

Her fingers flew over the controls, borrowing part of this utility and that, adding a detail here, a modification there.

"Ten minutes." His voice was annoying, and she growled, her attention fully on her task. No, that part would take too long. Better optimise it.

"Thirteen minutes."

"Shut up." She refused to let him get on her nerves, reviewed the listing again, caught a possible glitch, reran the compile. That should work. Maybe. Hopefully.

"Time's up."

She took a deep breath as if coming up for air after a long dive as she pushed the terminal over to him. "There. Run it, and don't forget to time."

"Hardly."

While he ran the simulation, she used the chance to observe him without feeling self-conscious about it. His mandibles were drawn tight, his profile all sharp angles and hard lines, his expression distinctly predatory. He was just as focused as in a combat situation. Or, as she thought with a faint flush of remembered warmth, in bedplay.

He lifted his head just as the timer ran out, regarding her with an unreadable expression.

"Did it work?" she asked, although she was quite sure that it had.

"It did," he said, sounding more mystified than angry, but maybe that would come later. "Four minutes twenty-seven seconds."

She gave him a grin of victory. "Heh. So, what did I win?"

Saren flicked one mandible again. "You'll see." Then his gaze turned sharp, his attention fully on her. "Explain."

She didn't flinch. "Sure." She came closer again to gain access to the terminal, found that he wasn't yielding it this time and, after momentary deliberation, leaned against his shoulder. She reached for the display, calling up a section of code. "There, see? It exploits a timing issue that's present in the hardware framework. It's specific to that version, already fixed in newer units."

He looked at her, his mandibles twitching into a ghost of a smile, the first she had ever seen on him. "I may have misjudged you."

She chose not to reply to that. "I have no idea how to fix it just with software, though."

"I do. Watch."

His claws ran over the controls in precise, efficient movements, and she found herself both watching what he did and how he did it with equal fascination. "Layered and time-delayed," she said. "You just used that flaw to counter itself." It wasn't something she would have thought of herself. An unconventional solution, but it might just work.

He seemed satisfied. "Precisely. Let's see how the simulation comes out."

The first few test runs went fine, and she suppressed a yawn as she tried to keep her eyes on the multicoloured symbols of the testing framework. Not a single shield with everything in it, but layers upon layers of defences, she thought, blurring into each other, some giving way, others taking up for them. Anyone on the outside might peel back a few layers, but would be intercepted and dealt with long before they got a chance to see what was at the core. Unconventional, but that didn't surprise her. She did wonder, though, whether that was an approach he applied to more than just programming.

The final test run ended with a quiet beep, and she came fully awake again with a start. She must have been dozing, leaned against Saren's shoulder.

He didn't look at her. "That was the last simulation. Some more testing will be required to be certain, but it looks like a viable solution." He threw her a quick glance from the corner of his eye. "Go back to sleep. I'll finish this on my own."

She gave him a sleepy smile, nodded and followed his suggestion.

#

This time, her sleep was uninterrupted by nightmares and if she had any dreams, she didn't remember them when she woke.

Nihlus was already up, talking to Saren, but she couldn't quite catch what about. When she sat up and stretched, Nihlus gave her a quick smile before he went back to convincing Saren in some argument or another. Saren spared her a glance, and a barely perceptible nod, then returned his attention to Nihlus.

She was half tempted to dismiss their late-night hacking session as another dream. As she straightened out her bedding, she noticed that her pack was leaning over, the contents threatening to spill out. She righted the pack to restore order, and was about to return her pistol that had slipped free from the pack when something unfamiliar about it made her pause. Even folded up as it was, she could tell that something about its balance was different.

She held the pistol up, unfolded it and checked the configuration. The change was as obvious as puzzling, as there was a black, unmarked module sitting where her targetting enhancement should have been. Closer inspection still gave no clue as to what the additional part would do, but there was no question as to where it had come from.

She threw Saren a quick look, but he was no longer looking in her direction.

Well. If that was the way he wanted it, fine.


	7. Chapter 7

Shepard was idly paging through the manual for the latest HMW sniper rifle, a model restricted to the use of Spectres and a few other select specialists. It should have been shipped a week ago, which meant that one of them at least was ready to be picked up at the Citadel. She figured she might as well get a head-start on its functions.

She was leaning against Nihlus' knee in a relaxed way she could never have imagined before getting stuck on a damaged ship orbiting this forsaken piece of rock, and she thought about it for a moment. It was strange, the way the intimate familiarity with his body translated into comfort and trust. It hadn't been that way before, with anyone.

The closest she had to compare this to had been an Alliance marine she had met while on leave for a couple of weeks, a handsome dark-haired N6 biotic with a body to kill for, on downtime just as she had been, and they had hit it off perfectly. They had been well-matched in tastes and endurance. His agreeable character as as well as his expertise in bedplay had made him good company and these two weeks memorable, if exhausting. And yet, she hadn't heard from him again nor tried to contact him. It had been one of those vacation things, wild nights without any consequences. something that had been mutually understood. She had been relaxed with him, but never to the extent she was now, with Nihlus.

Maybe the fact that they were friends had to do with it, or else, it was just another symptom of that particular brand of insanity they all seemed to be affected by.

Saren was the least affected. He was still his controlled, aloof self. Most of the time, in any case. He kept his sarcasm toned down, and while she still had little clue to what and how he was thinking, she was trying to learn about him by reference and observation. As confusing and contradicting as he was, she wasn't able to remain indifferent towards him. The antagonism between them had turned into something else, maybe by necessity only, but it was comfortable in an inexplicable way. They still had differences of opinion about most things, but now that they weren't at each others throats at all times, she had found that she actually liked talking to him. They still clashed, but it turned into a constructive competition.

She touched the spur on Nihlus' leg absently, feeling the muscles on his leg twitch through the fabric of his clothes as she reached the base and bit her lips to suppress her smile at that. Who would have thought that he was ticklish there.

Since he didn't complain, she craned her head to see what he was doing.

"Don't bother. He's playing that game again." Saren's voice was a bit absent, and she looked at him. He was still bent over his small portable terminal, presumably working on some utility or another. He hadn't even looked up at them.

"Just finished making up a new scenario," Nihlus admitted. "Want to give it a try?" His mandibles flared in amusement. "As a warning, if you add computer-controlled opponents, be conservative. One is a tough challenge, two will tear you to shreds. No idea why, they must have improved the algorithms for that considerably."

Saren snorted, but Shepard laughed. "Sure, if you want to lose."

"Try your best, puny human."

She dismissed the manual from her screen and started the toy app. Then she looked in Saren's direction, considering. Oh, the hell with it. "Why don't you join us?"

"Why? What would be the point?"

Shepard shrugged. "Entertainment. Competition. Getting to know each other better. Killing time. Take your pick." He seemed puzzled by her words, and she sighed. "Come on, just give it a try."

"I don't know the rules."

"So? I can show you."

For a few seconds he was completely still, then he sighed and inclined his head. "Very well."

Shepard blinked to cover her surprise, then just handed him the datapad.

While Saren was scanning through the manual, occasionally muttering something under his breath about some value being unrealistic or some property being too limited, Shepard threw Nihlus a quick look.

He seemed delighted that Saren had unbent enough to join the game, and she was hard pressed to keep the grin off her face as well. "What stakes?" she asked him.

"As always," he replied, and she laughed, because she couldn't see Saren agreeing to that.

Nihlus eyed Saren, and she knew that expression on him, she had seen it on the battlefield and in negotiations when he was waiting for the best moment to strike.

Saren narrowed his eyes at something in the list and gave a thoughtful hum.

"Saren, you're in, too?" Nihlus asked in Saren's direction.

"Yes, fine."

Shepard raised an eyebrow at Nihlus, whose delighted grin grew wider and decidedly more sly. This was about to get interesting.

Saren returned her datapad and started to set up his own terminal with another copy of the game.

She pushed away from Nihlus to rest her back against the wall so he couldn't peek at her display - he wasn't above bending rules in order to win - and then went about setting up her own base and units.

Predictably enough, both she and Nihlus concentrated on the new opponent, although she wasn't quite as reckless as Nihlus was. She recognised what he was doing, early on, and stayed back to watch the spectacle.

Saren's reaction to being swamped by an insane number of low-level units right at the beginning was as expected. He stared at the display where his base was just in the process of being annihilated, expression stony. As the base met its final demise, he gave Nihlus a look.

"What was that supposed be?"

"A rachni rush?"

"Those units are not rachni."

"It's just a name for the tactic."

"You use up all resources for one all-out assault to defeat one opponent and ignore the other completely. For a strategy of such exceeding foolishness, this is actually an insult to the rachni." Saren glared. "You are aware that Shepard will defeat you easily now?"

Nihlus leaned back just as Shepard's units proceeded to do exactly that, and shrugged. "Sure. But it was worth it."

Saren snorted, shaking his head.

"There." Shepard stated cheerfully as Nihlus' last unit met an untimely end. "I win. Pay up."

Nihlus chuckled, and Saren threw her a wary look. "How much do I owe you, then?"

Shepard tried to contain the wide grin but she wasn't quite successful. "We don't play for money. We play for stories."

"Stories." He managed to make the word sound extremely distasteful.

"Precisely. Fun stories, sad ones, personal ones, embarrassing ones, rumours, gossip, whatever is requested. You can refuse, but forfeit's an unspecified favour."

Nihlus grinned at that, and she continued: "I for one never risked the favour and stayed with the stories, although I assume Nihlus has lots of ideas about favours."

Saren was oddly still as he processed this. Then he shook his head, and to her surprise, he seemed more amused than angry as he gave Nihlus another look and inclined his head slightly. "Well played."

Nihlus' grin widened.

Saren looked at her again. "State your terms."

She had had time to consider it, so she had the answer ready. "From you, just a funny story in general. You must have a lot of them, given your service record." Nihlus was starting to snicker, and she continued, looking at him. "From you, I'd like to hear in detail about the pranks you played to get back at Saren when you were still his trainee." Nihlus opened his mouth to protest, but she cut across that. "Don't bother denying it. No one is buying that, here."

Nihlus' mandibles twitched, and he was looking very much at neither of them. There, she thought. This should both be entertaining and take the heat off her.

Saren's attention was back on her. "Do you demand your story right away?"

She shook her head. "Not if you want to play another round. And no, if you win it won't cancel out your debt." Shepard met his eyes in clear challenge.

"Very well." He tossed back his head, accepting.

As they set up another game, he shook his head, not quite looking at her. "How am I supposed to know what you consider amusing?"

Shepard was just contemplating the layout of her base, so she didn't even look up. "Are you trying to find a way out of this?"

A dismissive snort. "No. I'm trying to determine the parameters."

She grinned, setting up a building, then regarded the scenery critically. Deciding that it would do, she answered. "You can go by what Nihlus finds amusing. Should be similar enough."

"I'm sure you are," Saren muttered under his breath, and a snicker from Nihlus proved that it hadn't been nearly low enough. He snorted again. "I'm ready, if you insist on doing this."

"Me, too." Nihlus sounded slightly distracted. "I added a computer player, to make things more interesting."

It was a proper game, this time, with each of them employing serious tactics. Nihlus offered an alliance soon, with the plan to go after Saren again and fight it out for final victory as soon as he was defeated. It was strange, though, because although they occasionally encountered small bands of units that had to be Saren's, and crushed them, these were little more than scouts. Or distractions.

Nihlus was the first to voice his frustration. "All right, Saren, where are you hiding?"

Saren didn't even look up. "You don't expect an answer to that, do you?"

Nihlus grumbled under his breath. "And the computer player seems to be gone. Must be buggy in multi-player." He shook his head, looking at Saren again. "Oh, come on, stop hiding, and do this properly."

"I always do." There was a hint of both satisfaction and annoyance in his voice. "But if you are getting impatient..." He tapped a few keys on his terminal, then leaned back, regarding them calmly.

Shepard threw him a wary glance. "What did you just do?"

Saren didn't reply, but the tips of his mandibles twitched, which wasn't a good sign.

Seconds later, her main world was under attack, and she was too busy to maintain her defences to pay much attention to Saren's behaviour.

"What the hell?" Nihlus yelped. "Where did that fleet come from?"

Shepard snorted. "I take it you're under attack, too?"

"Enemy fleet has just come down on my main HQ." He took a closer look. "Tech level reads as two above mine. Is that the damned VI player?"

The unrealistic but somehow obligatory sounds of heavy space combat came from both their devices now, and Saren sighed. "If the sounds are in scale to the size of the object being destroyed, then you might want to turn the volume down."

Nihlus snorted, his fingers flying over the controls as he sent commands to his units. "That's the VI player, all right. It's not even you."

"There should be a frigate somewhere in that fleet that is mine," Saren said over the sound of a massive explosion. He winced. "I warned you about the volume."

Nihlus stopped his attempts to rally his own defence and repel the attack. "You're not even guiding that ship yourself."

Saren gave him a blank stare. "Why would I need to?"

There was another, more subdued explosion. Nihlus gave Shepard a look.

She shrugged. "That was my main hub. Same situation as with you, I'd say." She studied the game map. "Why is that frigate still here? I assume you used it to lure the VI player here, but it should at least have blown your frigate to dust before turning on us."

There was no reply from Saren.

"Like hell." Shepard studied the game map for a moment longer, then shrugged and set the device aside. There was no salvaging this one. "I yield."

"Likewise." Nihlus gave the remains of his forces a rueful look, then abandoned the game by tapping a key. He let the pad drop carelessly. "Well. You won. Now, tell me, honestly. Did you hack the game?"

Saren cast him a withering look that had no effect on Nihlus whatsoever. "No."

Nihlus refused to be cowed. "Then what did you do?"

"Isn't it obvious? I allied myself with the computer player."

"What? You can't do that. VI players don't enter alliances."

"Don't they?" Saren seemed to inspect his claws. "That would make a very limited simulation."

Shepard sighed, caught between exasperation and genuine amusement. "You found a loophole, then. I should have known."

Saren gave her an accusing stare. "What else was I supposed to do? I can hardly be expected to hold my ground against the two of you together."

At that, Nihlus turned away, and Shepard swallowed. They all sat in silence for quite some time.


	8. Chapter 8

"And as soon as he left the ship on the dock, I called in general maintenance and had them repaint the commons in a lovely, calming shade of sky blue." Nihlus threw Saren a quick look, and added, "in his name, of course."

Shepard chuckled. "How did you manage that?"

Another cautious look at Saren, then Nihlus broke out into a wide grin. "Swiped his authorisation code off his omnitool, used that."

At her sceptical look, he added, "And placed the order in his voice."

"His voice?" To her surprise, Saren gave an amused snort.

Nihlus regarded her squarely, flicked a mandible in a dismissive gesture, then said calmly. "Of course. Anything else would have been highly suspicious." His voice was, to her ears at least, a perfect imitation of Saren's.

"Not bad," Saren admitted, unoffended.

"What did you do?" Shepard asked him.

Saren shrugged. "He covered his tracks well enough, so there was no point in raising the issue."

Nihlus snickered. "Admit it: the colour was driving you crazy."

"It was annoying, just as you intended it to be." Saren cocked his head to the side. "But your story isn't finished."

"Oh." Nihlus fluttered his mandibles. "Right. So you caught that eventually and you haven't forgotten, either."

"Hardly."

"So what else did you do?" Shepard enquired, prodding his side with a toe. Reflexes quick as ever, his fingers closed around her ankle, clamped down for a moment, then his grip eased again as he pushed her foot back a bit. He didn't let her go completely, though.

"The blue for the commons was just the obvious one, to account for the smell of paint and all that. I added some paint to his cabin, too, only very little. Just some accents, a few shades different from the original light grey he had in there. A few dabs of paint to change the line of one of the ceiling panels, make it look slightly askew when viewed from a distance. A smudge of a darker shade and a slight unevenness to catch the light differently on the panel close to the door to make it look like it's caught some dirt, but from close up you can't see anything wrong." He smirked. "It had to be subtle to be effective."

Shepard laughed. "That was devious."

"He can be, if he has to." Saren's tone was strangely approving.

Nihlus didn't even try to cover his smug grin. "You deserved much worse for some of the things you put me through." He chuckled. "How long did it take you to figure it out?"

"Some time," Saren replied. "I knew you'd been in my room, but that was nothing unusual. No respect for privacy."

"Privacy?" Nihlus snorted. "You're one to talk, what with the cameras all over the ship."

"Cameras?" Shepard gave Saren a look. "What for?"

Saren looked like he was willing to explain, but Nihlus was faster. "He's a dirty old man. He had surveillance even in the showers." His mandibles twitched playfully as Saren's eyes narrowed on him. "It's fine, Saren. I didn't mind."

"I never-"

"It's fine," Nihlus interrupted again, his voice dropping to a tone Shepard had learned to appreciate over the past days. A pleasant shiver ran through her as he ran his hand from her ankle up to her calf, and what had been just a friendly, casual touch changed into something more deliberate, the gentle pressure on her skin a silent question.

She shifted closer in reply and he slid his hand further up her leg while his other arm snaked around her. His eyes had gotten darker, heated with intent, but still sparkling with humour. "I don't mind you watching now, either," he said, his tone full-out seductive as he leaned in to lick Shepard's neck.

When Saren spoke, Shepard had to bite back a smile at his tone. "You are incorrigible."

"You should know."

Shepard might have been curious enough to turn her head and check for Saren's reaction to that, but Nihlus slipped his hands under her shirt, and his skillful touches claimed her full attention.

But after a moment, Saren sighed, then moved, and another hand joined hers on Nihlus' fringe, another rough palm sliding over her back.


	9. Chapter 9

"No. You'll misuse it."

"I could get into Tela's records with it."

"That's why I'm not giving it to you."

"I only want to know whether she really was involved in that take-down on Thenra. She says she wasn't, but it was her style."

A sigh. "It was her. Now give it a rest."

"So I was right." A pause. "Wait. That means you already looked."

"I had to cross-check some facts."

"Riiight. Come on. Admit it. You were just as curious as I am."

Saren growled.

"Don't give me that tone. I know I'm right."

"I had no doubts that it was her."

"Then what was it that were you looking for?"

"I wanted to know where she got her information." Saren's voice seemed a bit absent. "There were no hints in her report, though."

"A puzzle for another time," Nihlus decided. "Let's get back to the subject of that utility."

Shepard suppressed a smile. She was only half-listening to their arguing, which was a fairly normal occurrence. She could tell from the tone of their voices that things weren't serious. There was, however, a distinct possibility that the discussion would degrade into another round of 'easing tension'. Nihlus had used that tactic to end - or at least delay - an argument before. He had become quite successful at it, too.

She took a look, and raised an eyebrow. Just as she had thought, Nihlus had come up behind Saren and was running a finger over his left cheek-spine in a slow, definitely teasing manner.

Saren sighed, but didn't move his head away. "That will get you nowhere." He set his portable terminal aside.

"We'll see..." Nihlus gently bit the spine, and Saren hissed, half-closing his eyes.

Nihlus growled in reply, turning the bite into a nibble along the edge. "You think too much," he said, grinning, wrapping his arms around Saren, drawing him closer.

Saren didn't look convinced, but after a moment he seemed to relax. Nihlus rubbed his cheek against Saren's, then chuckled and gave Shepard a look. An invitation. "He's still thinking."

"Not for long." She put the datapad aside, slid over and knelt before Saren, running her hands down his collar. He growled, the tone uncertain, and she smiled as it occurred to her that this was a new opportunity. They had gotten quite creative in the past two weeks, but somehow it had always been either her or Nihlus that had ended up in the middle if all three of them had been involved. This could get interesting.

Shepard's expertise in turian casual clothing and how to remove them had expanded considerably during the last few days, and she put that knowledge to good use as she helped Nihlus open the fastenings on Saren's shirt.

She stroked the inside of his collar, in the way that she knew he liked. He leaned into the touch only after a considerable pause. Which was a bit unusual, because Saren's approach to bedplay was just as binary as his approach to anything else: if he was in the mood, he'd follow through with no hesitation. And if he wasn't, he'd let them know in plain speech. There was no middle ground with him, and she wondered what had changed, but his expression gave nothing away.

"You never really relax, do you?" Nihlus asked, and his tone was gentle but amused. "I always wondered about that."

"You have known me for long enough," Saren said with a hint of a warning. "Did you expect me to change?"

Nihlus chuckled. "Everything changes, even you. I never thought I'd ever see you like this, to be honest. And I bet even you didn't expect to end up in a situation like this, did you?"

Shepard felt Saren go very still, tense, and looked at his face in vague puzzlement. He regarded her for a moment, expression unreadable, then opened his mouth to say something.

Nihlus nipped the side of his neck, and whatever Saren might have said was lost in a sharp intake of breath. "Just relax, this once." He grazed his teeth over Saren's shoulder, and instead of replying, Saren just lowered his head. His arm snaked around Shepard's shoulders to pull her in, and that finally felt normal again.

She reached up to hold his mandible, saw Nihlus draw back from him, and something in the way he looked made her pause. She knew that expression, but in a different context. It was how he looked on the battlefield, when he was about to take a risk. A crazy risk. He licked Saren's neck, slowly, then suddenly closed his jaws around it.

For a split second, Saren went almost limp in her arms, something he'd never done before, and the sound he made, a strangled whimper, was completely new. Then, within the space of two heartbeats, everything changed.

He snarled, a sound deep and feral, and shoved Shepard off him, with enough force to send her sprawling backwards. He whipped his head around, mandibles drawn back, teeth bared, to stare at Nihlus. "Don't touch me."

Nihlus stared back at him, eyes wide in shock. He seemed too stunned to even withdraw, He held out a hand, a placating gesture if Shepard had ever seen one. "Saren, what the-"

Saren's snarl rose in volume, and something changed in his face. He knocked Nihlus' hand aside, a fighting move, then his arm swiped out at Nihlus, claws flashing in a glittering arc, getting to his feet in the same fluid, automatic move.

Nihlus gave a low, hissing sound, like when taking a hit, and sure enough, there were two thin blue lines on the side of his neck, but Shepard wasn't sure he felt that yet. He just kept staring at Saren in complete disbelief.

Shepard was doing the same. This was madness. She had thought that she had gotten to know Saren at least to some degree over the past two weeks, that she had at least seen that side of him which he didn't show to the rest of the world. It hadn't been just the bedplay. There was also talking and playing and working together. But the furious turian who was warily backing away from them was no one she recognised or knew.

Nihlus apparently felt the same, but he at least tried. He got to his feet, confusion and shock still evident on his face, and took a step towards Saren. "Look, I-"

"I don't want to hear it." Saren's voice was almost unrecognisable, and Nihlus winced as if struck. "I don't want to hear anything from you." His breath was harsh, too fast.

Shepard shrank back from that tone despite herself, and his head snapped around towards her. His eyes glittered, pupils shrunk to pinpoints, and she tensed, wondering whether he'd attack her. Reflex took over, made her stumble to her feet and take a defensive position, made her snap back into the mindset that was all too ready to see him as a threat.

"Nor from you." Saren held her gaze for a heartbeat, then clamped his jaws shut, the snarl dying down.

Nihlus shivered, shook his head, some of his innate stubbornness returning. "Saren." There was a world of meaning in that one word, the undertones speaking volumes.

Shepard would never be quite certain whether he actually was listening or not, whether Nihlus' voice made any impression on Saren, whether he was about to soften or not, as in that moment, the VI's display flickered into life.

"Incoming transmission from the Nautilus, a short-range tech support vessel dispatched by Farside. They are currently entering the system."

Saren tossed his head back, and something changed in his stance. "Finally. It is about time." He blinked once, then straightened up, his expression neutral. "This has gone far too long already."

"Don't do that." Nihlus said, voice soft. "Please, don't."

Shepard wanted to join the plea, but her voice wouldn't work, and she was still trying to process what the hell was happening. She felt like being stuck in a nightmare, unable to interfere.

"Do what?" Saren asked, voice level, a trace of impatience. There seemed to be no further threat of violence, but Shepard shivered at the tone. He was now as he had been before, unapproachable and cold, unfeeling and uncaring. "This emergency is over. There is nothing further to discuss."

For a moment, Nihlus' face was open, showing pure devastation, in a way that cut at her. Then he blinked, and something in him shut down, became as closed off as Saren was. He lowered his head in resignation."Very well."

She wondered whether she should go to him, offer support, but he wouldn't even meet her eyes as he turned away, starting to pack up his possessions.

Turning to Saren, she found him regarding her, expression still completely blank. There was nothing there, not even a shred of interest. As if none of what had happened mattered to him in any way. As if neither she nor Nihlus mattered in any way either.

She would have preferred anything to this, and maybe she would have tried to argue and demand an explanation, turn it at least into a proper fight, but she was too shocked to come up with the words. And somehow she knew that there was no use in trying. He wasn't going to listen, let alone change his mind. He was making a clean cut after an experience he wouldn't care to remember, and that was all there was to it.

There was nothing she could do as he turned away and made his way to the cockpit.

"Damn him." Shepard leaned against the VI terminal, then looked down at it. "And damn you too," she cursed it, quietly. "If you'd just just kept quiet for a bit longer..."

"Please restate your command," the VI responded, and she resisted the urge to slam her fist into the terminal. The VI wasn't to blame. "Never mind. Just shut the hell up."

The VI's symbol wavered, then disappeared as the terminal went dark. Presumably, Saren had shut it down in order to disconnect it safely, which was just as well.

They were leaving, then, and right now she was of a mind to agree with Saren: it wasn't a minute too soon. Trying to keep her own appearance as neutral as the turians did, she too started to pack.


	10. Chapter 10

After the long days of confinement to the minimal space on the ship, the cramped hotel room seemed almost too spacious. Empty. Shepard sighed and settled herself on the bed.

They had been stuck on the small outpost of Farside for almost a week now. Nihlus' ship had been retrieved, but the damage was beyond what could be fixed here. Farside didn't get much traffic, and the rescue ship that had picked them up wasn't suited for long-distance travel.

There was a supply-ship scheduled to come in within the next few days, and they could hitch a ride on it back to a bigger port and make their way back to the Citadel from there.

Shepard was content enough with that schedule. Pushing for anything more immediate didn't seem worth the trouble. And she felt she could use a few uneventful days to regain her balance.

She was sure that Saren had seen things differently, of course. He hadn't spoken to any of them for the whole trip back to Farside, and disappeared the moment they had disembarked from the rescue ship.

She had no way of knowing for certain, but odds were that he was already gone. The one crate he had kept locked, the one that supposedly held his private possessions, was gone from storage. The rest was still there, though.

In truth, he had warned them right at the beginning - it was something he'd pretend had never happened, and even if the cold rejection stung, she knew she should have expected it.

It had been a mistake to think that it had been the beginning of something more. She had read it wrong. Maybe on account of species differences. He still was an alien, and maybe there was no way to really understand how he thought. It had been a mistake to let herself become involved in the way she had. There was nothing more to be said about that.

With Nihlus, things were different, though. She knew he was still on the station, but he had been lying low, and they hadn't spoken for days.

He was avoiding her.

That made no sense, none at all. Unlike Saren, Nihlus had never shown any hesitation or awkwardness related to sex. He wasn't shy. Nothing she knew about his off-duty persona could explain this behaviour.

Maybe he was worried about her. She suppressed a snort at the thought. If he was afraid that she'd have expectations beyond what he'd be willing to give on his own, then he didn't know her as well as she had thought. The idea was almost insulting.

She wouldn't pine for something that been imposed upon them by outward circumstances, even if it had seemed perfect. Yes, it had been fun, and more. But it was over and wouldn't happen again. Which was regrettable, but fine. She did, however, want her friend back. There weren't many individuals she'd call friends. Not enough by far that she'd take the loss of one without at least trying.

There was the possibility that it was something cultural, something that made sense to a turian but not to a human. But there had been misunderstandings before, and Nihlus had never made the mistake of automatically assuming that they were always on the same page.

She'd even have understood if he had just kept out of her way, but as far as she could tell he wasn't himself apart from that, either. Under normal circumstances, she would have expected him to hang around in the small bar that made up the whole of entertainment Farside had to offer, putting his moves on the asari serving staff. The asari bartender in particular was his type, or rather, one of the many types he'd gladly go for. But he could rarely be found there.

He seemed to be hiding. She didn't even know where he spent most of his time. Of course she had the means to find out, but if he wanted privacy so badly, there was no point in chasing him.

She sighed. Apparently Saren had been right after all with his gloomy prediction that they were making a mistake.

But she refused to give in to the loneliness and hurt this thought evoked. There was nothing she could do about it. The fault was hers, for acting like a lovelorn teenager. Rejection was a fact of life, and it certainly hadn't happened for the first time; although, granted, never with so little of an explanation. It was unreasonable to be so... emotional about it; so... devastated.

The extranet terminal in the corner was glowing dully. More work. There always was something. She turned to the bed. Maybe she should get some rest instead. It was late already anyway.

She had just stripped down to her underwear when the door chime sounded. "What?" she called, vaguely annoyed.

"It's me," said Nihlus, voice ringing even through an inch of durasteel. "Can I come in?"

She didn't even have to think about it as she unlocked the door.

Nihlus stepped in, and any annoyance that she might have harboured fell away at the sight of him. His head was bowed, in a way she'd never seen before, and she was willing to bet he hadn't been sleeping all that well, either.

"You look like hell," she said on an impulse, trying to fall back to their usual banter. "What's the matter? That bartender resisting your charms?" She knew the tone was all wrong and winced at it, but he didn't seem to notice.

"Dunno. Not interested," he replied absently. "I need to talk to you."

"All right."

There was nowhere else to sit but on her bed. They both sat, and she gave him a sober look.

"I'm sorry," he said. "I shouldn't have just left you on your own without any word."

She shrugged. "I'm an adult," she reminded him dryly. "I'm also a Spectre. I can take care of myself. You don't owe me any explanations. The mission is over, we all go our separate ways, and don't mention any of it again. As agreed."

Nihlus snorted. "Don't go all sensible on me. I hate it when you do that. Makes me feel inadequate." He tried to twist his mandibles into a grin, but it was a far cry from his usual carefree manner.

And she couldn't even be angry with him. "Actually I wasn't certain you weren't angry with me for some reason or another," she said, and there was probably more of her confusion and self-doubt in her voice than there should have been.

He snorted again, as if the suggestion was plainly absurd, but even that was half-hearted. "No. It's my fault. Somehow I forgot that you're human, that you don't automatically know the reasons behind our behaviour. I... needed time to think."

She was willing to bet that it had been a lot more than that. But she remembered suddenly that turians in general tended to withdraw from public and even friends when hurt, much more than the average human would in the same situation. It wasn't to be considered a slight, or even a lack of trust.

On an impulse, she held out her hand, cradling his left mandible. To her surprise, he gave into it, almost as if he'd been waiting for it the whole time.

"I'm sorry," he repeated, voice soft. "I don't know how to do this. Spirits know I can do casual, but I have no clue what to do when something matters. When someone matters."

"What?" She frowned. "You're not making sense."

He sighed, opened his eyes. "I know. Are we still friends?"

"Of course," she answered without thinking. But she meant it.

"Not the right time to ask, but I was wondering whether you wanted to stay around for a while longer, team up for a while. Kick ass together, watch each other's back. You know."

She blinked. This came completely out of the blue. To the best of her knowledge, that was something he didn't do. He sometimes teamed up with her for the duration of a mission, and it was likely that he did the same with Saren occasionally. But he didn't work together with anyone for longer than that. She had never really realised it, but despite his quite sociable nature when off-duty, when working, he preferred to be alone. In that regard he wasn't all that different from Saren, and the similarity made her wince.

"I didn't think I was that good in bed," she said before thinking it through.

He flinched as if she had slapped him. "That's not - oh, fuck. I probably deserved that." He lowered his head, breaking contact. "I wanted to ask you before. When you were appointed. Decided against it. You'd never have taken me seriously if I had asked." His tone was bitter. "Of course, after this, I can't expect you to believe me, either. Hell with it. I'm asking, now." From his tone, she could tell he expected to be shot down.

She lifted his chin, looking in the green eyes that were missing their signature spark of perpetual humour, and found it to be unbearable. He shouldn't have been like that. They shouldn't have been like that. They were supposed to be friends.

Maybe things had gotten a bit too intense back at the ship, maybe the lines had gotten blurred. Maybe they were more than just friends. Or maybe something, or rather someone, was missing for that, but she didn't allow herself to pursue that thought any further. One problem at a time.

Something had broken them up, mixed up and rearranged the pieces, but the real world had intruded before they could fit the pieces together again. The reasons didn't matter. What mattered was to do something about it.

She didn't know what exactly he was offering, only that it was more significant than just a work arrangement. She also knew that she cared for him, deeply, that she always had.

"Nihlus," she said with a sigh of her own. "You really are no good at this."

He gave a growl that was half a laugh and half something else, a bitterness turned at himself. "You know who trained me, and yet you wonder about that?"

She shook her head and swallowed a half-hearted laugh, because this was something she had never considered. "No. It makes sense. It explains everything. And yes. I'm staying if you want me to."

His eyes widened in surprise and before she knew it, she was caught in an impulsive hug, and his voice was rushed. "Spirits. Good. Because I couldn't bear to lose you, too."

She smiled, her face pressed into his collar. Yes, this was more like him. Unguarded, refreshing, endearing. She counted down from ten, slowly and silently. She was at seven when he caught on and gave a pained whimper.

"Oh, fuck. That came out just wrong." He hastily pushed back to look at her. "I - Listen, Shepard, it's not like that. Oh hell, I knew I'd make a mess of this. Please don't take that the wrong way. You're not a replacement, or a substitute -" He caught the way the corner of her mouth was twitching and switched tracks seamlessly. "But it's mean to laugh at me while I'm making a complete idiot of myself." The faked hurt tone was almost convincing, almost enough to mask his real anxiety.

"I learned from the best," she countered, then pulled his head close and leaned her cheek against his. "And I know precisely what you mean. Don't worry." She could feel him relax, and something in her relaxed, too.

He leaned into her, then chuckled softly. "And Shepard - no question about it. You are that good in bed."

She laughed, cuffed his head lightly, and he grumbled something about stupid humans being unable to take a compliment, in a tone that couldn't be taken seriously in any context. They were okay. Or at least they would be.

Maybe she shouldn't have asked and left it alone, but she needed to know, needed to make sense of it. And with things between the two of them approaching normal again, she felt she could risk it.

She leaned back, to be able to see his face again.

"Nihlus, what the hell happened there? What set him off that badly?"

He lowered his head. "I did something I shouldn't have, but... I didn't see that coming. I have no idea why he reacted so extremely."

She shook her head. "I don't understand. I saw that you bit the back of his neck, but..."

Nihlus winced. "Yes. That."

"What's wrong with that? He's been doing it to you all the time, and I take it you liked that. Very much, if I recall correctly." She didn't add that Nihlus had done that to her, too. It was just something she'd taken as some species-specific element of behaviour. Apparently, it meant more than that.

There was a ghost of a smile on his face. "I did. But it's what it implies. It's... it's something the dominant turian will do for their partner. It means that they are safe, that they are free to let go, enjoy, that they need not worry about anything. It's not something that is done casually, and it implies that there's... affection involved."

Shepard frowned. "I still don't see what's so bad about that. And about dominance... not to put too fine a point on it, but I've seen you top him just as often as it was the other way round. Why would he suddenly make a big deal out of that?"

Nihlus threw her a strange look, then shook his head. "I think we mean different things by that term," he finally said. "The role that you take during bedplay doesn't say anything about dominance. Or at least not for a turian." He seemed stunned. "I never noticed. Humans equal that?"

She thought about it, then nodded. "Generally, yes. Though I suppose there are exceptions." She shrugged.

"Damn." He twitched his mandibles into a weak grin. "I've played with a number of humans, but somehow I never realised that." With a bemused shake of head, he continued "Well, it's not like that for us. It means that whoever is dominant is calling the shots, yes, but they are also responsible for their partner's well-being. And satisfaction, if you will." His weak grin faded. "Maybe you didn't notice, but Saren is... my superior. Always has been. It doesn't mean that I will always go along with everything he says, or never defy him or talk back to him, but his opinion has weight for me, and if I don't feel strongly about something I will let him take the lead. I don't do that with anybody else."

She didn't doubt that for one second. Neither did she doubt that Nihlus was fully capable of defying Saren if he wanted to. If he hadn't, she'd never have finished her training with him. Still, she had the feeling she had gotten the concept of rank and dominance in this matter all wrong.

He sighed, sounding as if he was lost in thought. "Saren has high standards, most of all for himself. So... it can be exhausting, in a way. You can have fun, but you never fully relax, never just enjoy. Which is fine in a one-off kind of encounter, if you don't know each other and don't expect to see each other again, if you're just blowing off steam. You know? But I thought that we knew each other well enough to change that dynamic. Let him relax, have the full experience." His tone became very quiet. "I didn't mean any harm by that. I thought he knew. That he trusted me enough to..." His voice trailed off, leaving only the nonverbal sounds of his undertones, which she had never heard him do.

The mix of guilt and sadness in his voice and expression cut at her. He hadn't said it aloud, but she didn't need the additional words to know that it had been a gesture of deep affection and trust, that what it had come down to, at least for Nihlus, had been turning recreational sex into true lovemaking, and Saren had thrown it back into his face in the most callous, most cruel manner possible. And Nihlus was blaming himself for it, which was even worse.

Saren, you damned, cold-hearted bastard. She wished she could at least hate him, but all she could muster up was a pale echo of anger.

She didn't think about it as she hugged him again, and the way he immediately accepted that touch and almost melted into the embrace told her all she needed to know. Insecure. Shaken. Turning to her in an instinctive need for comfort, for stability.

"Maybe it wasn't what you've done. Remember, it wasn't just you. Maybe I touched him wrong. Maybe I did something. I don't know. He shouldn't have lost it that way."

Nihlus gave a single-toned hum, a distinct, clear note of pure sadness. From that alone, she knew she wouldn't be able to convince him that he wasn't to blame in this.

"Still makes no sense to me why he was so angry. Or why he struck at you."

"I don't understand it either." He hesitated. "I don't think he meant to hit me, though. If he'd meant to, for whatever reason, he'd have left scars."

She didn't answer, but she was rather certain that what Saren had done had left scars. Not the visible sort, perhaps, but real nonetheless.

She had been determined to forget this, put it behind her, but even if she could, Nihlus wouldn't. There was only one other option left, then, and that was to track their fellow Spectre down, corner him somewhere and make him explain himself. Or at least tell Nihlus that he hadn't done anything wrong. If the barefaced bastard ended up blaming her for the lot of it, then so be it.

"What do we do about Saren, then?" she asked, and more felt than heard his sigh.

"No idea. I don't even know how he got off this piece of rock, or where he went. Maybe, once he cools down..." His voice trailed off.

"Yes. Definitely." She thought for a moment, then continued in a lighter tone. "We'll see whether he can evade two determined Spectres in the long run."

He chuckled at that, but she noted he didn't disagree.

The sound of the door opening sent them both into sudden, instinctive action, each of them moving into a defensive position. Shepard was still on the bed, the pistol that had been lying within easy reach on the bedside table in hand, while Nihlus crouched against the wall, his own sidearm ready and pointing at the intruder.

Saren gave them a completely flat stare. He took in their appearance, and the tip of one mandible flicked almost imperceptibly, but his voice was as calm as ever as he pointedly ignored the two weapons aimed straight at his face. "If you need a lift, be at the dock in twelve minutes. I will not wait."

With that, he turned away, unhurriedly disappearing in the corridor outside.

Shepard threw Nihlus an almost panicked look. "Twelve minutes? Is he serious?"

He was already halfway out the door, taking off towards his own room. She could hear him swearing all the way down the corridor, but the sick hopelessness was gone from his voice.


	11. Chapter 11

They barely made it, and Shepard only had the time to give Saren's ship a very cursory glance before hastily entering the airlock. It was significantly larger than the previous one.

The engines were already up and running and as the airlock slammed shut behind her, Shepard sensed the ship moving. Apparently, Saren was in a hurry.

The interior was unusual enough to make her raise an eyebrow. While a good way from luxurious, it was definitely comfortable: a spacious common area with a small vid wall, entertainment tech and standard electronics; it was very unlike Saren.

She reached the cockpit after Nihlus. They were already clearing orbit. Saren keyed in a destination, then let the autopilot take over.

"Nice ship you have here," Nihlus said, impressed. He was bent over Saren's shoulder, studying the console. He tapped a finger against a small display, calling up the ship's specs.

The weapons systems were nonstandard, and probably illegal. The engines took up a larger part of the vessel than Shepard would have expected, and they looked customised, too. She craned her head look at the floor plans as they came up, interested despite herself. Only one sleeping cabin.

"Ooh, make that a very nice ship. Although 'Void's Song' doesn't sound like you."

Saren said nothing.

"Where did you get it?"

"From an illegal weapons dealer in the Terminus." Then after a pause, "He named it."

Nihlus grinned. "He just... gave it to you?"

Saren threw a warning glance at him, which only made Nihlus smile even wider.

"Are you going to keep it?"

"I haven't decided yet." His tone was disinterested. "It would require some modifications. Likely not worth the effort." He turned around and regarded them for a moment. "You can have the sleeping quarters. Settle in. I'll take the first watch."

Nihlus blinked, nodded, and retreated from the cockpit.

Saren's impassive eyes focused on Shepard, and she felt a stab of irritation. "I don't claim to understand your way of thinking," she told him in a low voice, glancing over her shoulder to make sure Nihlus had left. "And I'm not surprised that you're not too keen on having me on your ship. That was a temporary cease-fire, just like you said at the beginning, and it's over now. I get it." She took a breath. "But there's no need to treat Nihlus this way. You're supposed to be friends, aren't you? Doesn't that mean anything to you?"

The lights from the console were giving Saren's pale face a silvery cast. "Don't presume to know anything about me."

There was a dangerous undertone in his voice, but this time, it wasn't enough to make her back off. "But I do know a couple of things about him. And so do you. You know how he feels about you, and don't bother denying it. He isn't precisely subtle, and you are far from unobservant. You hit him hard, Saren. You don't do that to a friend."

Saren didn't move a muscle. "And now you presume you can tell me how to act."

She laughed with disbelief. "There's no use in this, is there? Nothing I can say will change your mind." She searched his eyes for something, any trace of guilt or remorse, in vain. "Are you even listening to me?"

His mandibles twitched. "Why does it matter? He has you to soothe his poor, hurt feelings."

She stared at him, too surprised to say anything. Was he being... jealous? His mandibles twitched once more, then he looked away in resignation.

Shepard couldn't believe what she was hearing, what she was seeing. It made her cool down instantly, swallow whatever angry reply she'd wanted to make. Instead, she too felt the same resignation. It was obvious what and who he was jealous of.

"It's not what you think. When you came into that room, we were just beginning to plan how to find you."

He blinked, and she could almost see the wheels turning. Then he lowered his head ever so slightly. "This is different," he said, gesturing at their surroundings with his eyes. "There are consequences now. From some decisions, there is no going back."

"There are always consequences," she challenged. "If you think there were none before, you're fooling yourself."

"No. Nothing has changed." There was an odd undercurrent in his voice. "We haven't changed."

She shook her head. "I can't believe you honestly think that. Every experience changes us, and this..." she broke off, no longer able to hide her annoyance. "Well. I can speak for Nihlus and myself. Maybe you are right, and it didn't change you. Who the hell knows? And there I thought I was starting to understand you, a little. Just goes to show."

He winced, almost imperceptibly, but she knew she had scored a hit there. "It was a different situation."

"The only real difference is that now, it's a choice." Shepard hesitated, then swallowed the bitter taste in her mouth. "And if I'm the problem, just tell me, and I'll back off."

Saren scoffed. "He means that little to you, then? Something you own and can give away?"

The calm, dismissive tone was intended to provoke, and sadly, it worked. White-hot fury flashed through her mind, overriding reason, and she hissed at him. "He's a friend. Maybe more. But I want him happy more than I want him mine. I was a fool to expect you could understand that but -"

She bit off her words, saw a vaguely satisfied expression on his face and recognised the tactic. Her temper turned to ice. "You barefaced bastard. You're provoking me on purpose? That's low even for you." She took a breath, then shook her head. "No. I refuse to play this game. Stop toying with me." A question was on the tip of her tongue, but she swallowed it.

He caught it, though. "What?"

Shepard snorted. "I was wondering whether that side of you that you showed us back there was genuine or just very good play-acting. I thought there was more to you than... this. Don't tell me. I honestly don't know what would be worse." She knew she was saying too much but she no longer cared. "You said it wouldn't end well. Is that why you're acting this way? Because you simply have to be right?"

She didn't wait for a reply. Instead she just turned away and made her way back to the commons. Only later did she realise that she'd been too distracted to ask the one question she really wanted answered.

_Why are you doing this?_

#

When she entered the cabin she found Nihlus stretched out on the bed, but awake, and he turned his head as she stripped and lay down beside him. They curled up into each other. Clawed hands held her back, stroking her skin, but there was no desire in the touch. A different kind of need. For companionship, for comfort.

He didn't even ask. Maybe he had heard them after all, or maybe he knew well enough from her mood how the chat with Saren must have gone.

"Should have warned you," he said. "It's how he's always been. I'm sorry."

"Not your fault." She caressed the side of his neck. "Will you be all right?"

A mute nod.

She had to ask. "You're not going to give up, are you?"

"Can't." She had never seen him look this torn. "I'm sorry. It's not fair to you, I know that, but -"

"No," she interrupted. "I get it." She did. She stared into the green eyes, too open, too confused, showing neither his professional persona nor the roguish mercenary he pretended to be most of the time, but his private self - and didn't flinch.

It was easier for her, maybe, because her own feelings weren't as complex. First and foremost, Nihlus was a friend, and being his lover wouldn't change that.

At Saren, she was simply angry. Not only because of that disaster of a conversation. She could no longer deny that she was attracted to him and wanted him, that something in her resonated with the way he was, even when they were at odds. If it had been given time, it might have become more. Apparently that was not going to happen, but she'd get over it.

Unlike Nihlus. He was caught in the middle between them, and what he felt for Saren was both very complicated, and so very simple. It wasn't infatuation or blind worship. Nihlus was anything but blind to Saren's character, flaws included. He knew Saren better than anyone. He knew what he was in for, and still he was trying.

Her memory flashed back to the image of Nihlus, quite literally caught between her and Saren for the first time, and his impulsive, unguarded words.

_Don't make me choose._

That tone had struck her as odd, but she couldn't have understood the full scope back then. She had a better idea, now.

She'd never have the whole of him, because a part of him would always belong to Saren. Which was also true for her, and it was a bitter irony.

Of course, if she could see that, however late, then Saren knew, too. He'd likely known all the time. Which explained the jealousy, she thought with a sinking feeling. Which meant this was even more of a mess than she had originally feared.

But none of it was Nihlus' fault and she hugged him close, confident that he'dunderstand the gesture. "Don't apologise for what you are. Ever. None of us can help how we feel. We are what we are. We just need to figure out what we can be to each other."

Nihlus sighed, leaned his cheek on hers in a fleeting gesture of affection. "It's a sad day for this galaxy when a human is both more sensible and less selfish than a turian."

She had to smile at that. "Arrogant turian."

"Smartass human." He pretended to nip at her shoulder in annoyance, then just rested his chin on it, the tips of his mandibles tickling her skin.

#

An unfamiliar sound awoke her. The light was low, but even so she could make out the figure of Saren, leaning against the door frame, watching them. He wasn't wearing armour, for once, but a dark suit with a simple cut.

Shepard tensed involuntarily, and even went so far as to lean towards Nihlus, putting herself between him and a potential threat before her sense kicked in.

He didn't comment, although he must have caught it. His posture was strange, lacking his usual confidence. He watched them with something like apprehension, as if unsure of his welcome.

And he had every reason to, she thought with a flash of annoyance.

Nihlus woke up, a bit startled, and when she looked at him she wasn't surprised to see longing on his face, open enough for anyone to see. There was no way Saren could miss that, and indeed, he replied through a slight shift of attitude, too subtle for Shepard to interpret. But she was willing to take a chance. She carefully disentangled herself from Nihlus and rolled aside, leaving the path free in a gesture that was blatantly clear.

There, she thought, staring at Saren with a touch of bitterness. You win, whatever game you were playing. I'm out of the picture. Now come over and fix this.

He looked back at her, expression unreadable as always, but there was something hesitant about him, something new and very different from the triumph or smugness she expected. His attention shifted to Nihlus, then, and he suddenly moved to the bed. After a second's hesitation he nudged a knuckle against Nihlus' jaw. Nihlus didn't flinch; he allowed Saren to turn his head a few degrees, but he looked tense, and kept watching Saren out of the corner of his eye.

It took Shepard a few seconds to understand that Saren was looking for the traces his claws had left when he'd slashed at Nihlus. She knew he would find none: she had done the same earlier, but the shallow scratches had already healed.

Then Saren's hand was on Nihlus' left mandible, a strangely hesitant stroke of a thumb over the whole flat length of it. At that, Nihlus let out a wordless, cracked sound, then pulled Saren close, pressing his forehead to Saren's in an impulsive, heartfelt gesture. Saren seemed surprised for a moment, then leaned into the touch, relaxing, and the relief in his expression was obvious.

Shepard was sure she missed the nuances of the exchange, but the most important thing was clear: Nihlus had forgiven him. She couldn't help smiling, even if something inside her twisted.

Saren withdrew, and turned towards her. She tensed up again, but what he did was a mirror of the gesture he'd offered to Nihlus: he traced his thumb over her jawline, a feather-light touch, then let his hand drop. She blinked as she tried to keep her jaw from dropping.

Saren rumbled in something like frustration. "I don't know how to say that in any language you understand."

Behind him, Nihlus snorted. "To be fair, you don't know how to say that in any language at all. How about, 'I'm really sorry for being a complete idiot; I care about you and I'll make it up to you?'"

Saren sighed, and Shepard could have sworn there was amusement in his eyes. He shook his head. "Not the way I'd put it... but yes."

Shepard regarded him, eyes still narrowed, wary. "Apology accepted."

He nodded, then cleared his throat. "I'm heading out into the Traverse. A mech factory has suddenly gone dark. Looks like their VI was compromised. I want to take a look before their own officials do." He hesitated. "You can come with me if you want."

Nihlus didn't hesitate. "Sure, I'm game."

But Saren was looking at her. She felt the weight of that strange pale gaze resting on her, waiting for her answer. He wasn't as calm as he looked, there was a tension that only showed in the skin around his eyes, and in the back of her mind, she wondered when she had learned to read him that well.

"Sounds like fun," she said in the end and he relaxed, but not completely. She searched his closed-off face. "If we work together, how far does that extend into our personal lives?"

His mandibles twitched. "As far as the two of you want."

"And you're no longer worried about consequences?"

"I already told you, Shepard. From some decisions, there is no going back."

Was that an affirmative? She couldn't tell, but suddenly she had an idea. Possibly a dangerous idea. She brought a hand up, then quite deliberately drew a thumb over his cheek and the spine curving from there. It was a kind of touch that implied more that familiarity; it implied intimacy, and it was the ultimate test.

And to her surprise, he passed with flying colors. He leaned against her hand, watching her with a sober expression. "I'm not toying with you. I never was."

Shepard swallowed. She believed him. "So where does that leave us?" she asked.

Saren twitched his mandibles again, but it was Nihlus who answered for him. "Exactly where we left off." He came up behind the Saren's back, gathering him into an embrace. A gentle challenge.

Saren flinched, but didn't move away.

"Don't run again," Nihlus said, softly. "We'll just come looking for you, anyway."

Shepard was half glad that Saren couldn't see it, that irresistible, vulnerable expression of complete trust on Nihlus' face - and half terrified that he'd miss it. This had a lot of potential to go wrong, so very wrong. She wasn't sure what would happen if Saren lashed out again in reply to this confession.

Saren's eyes widened, but his gaze remained fixed on Shepard. Unsure what to do, she let go of his face, drew back, trying to give them some space, both literally and figuratively. Maybe it was for the best to let the two of them work out their differences first; she could decide upon her role later.

But then Saren's hand suddenly closed on her wrist. It was a gentle hold, with almost no pressure to it, no force behind it. A plea, not a command, and for once, his intention was perfectly clear.

_Don't go._

That wasn't what she expected. It was supposed to be about Nihlus. Even Saren's invitation for her to stay aboard, was probably about Nihlus. And as much as she enjoyed his touch, she didn't want to come between them.

She was about to break that fragile hold when he sighed, a strangely soft sound that made her pause and look at him. His expression was intense, but she couldn't read it. And at times like this it was better to be very clear.

"I don't think I can take a repeat performance from how this ended last time," she warned, ignoring the way Nihlus winced at her bluntness.

Saren didn't move. "There won't be one."

Nihlus hadn't asked, but she had to. "What was it that got to you so badly?"

He held her gaze, almost defiantly. "A miscalculation on my part. It won't happen again."

There was something defensive in his tone and if Nihlus hadn't been here, she'd have pushed further. But his eyes were pleading behind Saren's shoulder and she bit into her lip. Maybe Nihlus was right. Maybe it was better to just try again and get it right this time.

She nodded and let herself be drawn in, and put her arms around Saren.

He wrapped an arm around her, carefully, but without hesitation. His other hand came up, reaching back over his shoulder to cradle Nihlus' mandible in a strangely delicate gesture.

Nihlus closed his eyes in obvious delight, then opened them again, and his expression turned roguish. His fingers started working on the catches of Saren's suit unhurriedly. She joined in, and Saren didn't seem to mind, though he was still tense. He twitched when Nihlus caressed his collar. Shepard's hands slid down over his sides to rest on his waist, and at that, she heard a sharp intake of air.

It was strange. His body was familiar enough for her to be certain he was enjoying their attentions, but there was an unmistakable tension in him telling her that whatever it had been that had sent him into full retreat the last time, was still there.

She kept her touch light, slow, and very gentle, felt him respond, although he was still distant, holding back. Nihlus' dark hands moved slowly over silver plates and hide, and she marvelled at the tenderness of it: a slow, gentle coaxing, never a demand. Patience wasn't one of Nihlus' strong suits, and yet he seemed perfectly content with the way things were at this moment. He wasn't asking for anything or pushing for anything. He was merely offering. It was up to Saren to decide where and how far this would go. She took her cue from that, mapping the terrain of Saren's body in the same slow, careful manner.

Nihlus knew him better, of course, but she was still uneasy about how to handle this. "Saren," she said softly. "Even I can tell you're anything but relaxed. Whatever's bothering you, it isn't something that has to be resolved here and now. Do you want us to stop?"

His eyes widened as he stared at her, and there were too many conflicting emotions in them for her to decipher. But his answer was clear enough. He shook his head.

Nihlus nipped at Saren's shoulder, then nuzzled the back of his neck. Saren gave a strange, soft groan, tensing again, and she felt his muscles harden under her grip. She stilled, pausing to reach for his mandible, and was just drawing breath to say something to reassure him, when he suddenly let his face fall in her hand and from the way he suddenly went rigid, then slowly relaxed again, she was sure that Nihlus had closed his teeth around Saren's neck.

Saren seemed calm, but the tension was still present in his frame and even his face, an unfamiliar line around the roots of his mandibles. She finally recognised it as uneasiness, and saw it grow, not lessen, as she caressed his cheek. His body was more than ready to enjoy what they were offering. His mind wasn't. The same conflict that had made him explode into sudden violence before. Only it hadn't been anger. It had never been anger.

It was fear.

Experimentally, she slid her other hand down his body, over his hip, close where Nihlus was holding him, and felt him both lean into the touch and open his mouth in a silent snarl, close it again. It served well to prove her point. He was afraid to relinquish control. He was barely tolerating Nihlus' hold on his neck, but it was an empty gesture. He didn't trust them enough to let himself fall.

She met his eyes, saw from the change in his expression that he'd registered understanding in hers, and just because she finally did understand, she was about to draw back. But Saren's arm went around her back, with more haste and less coordination than she'd ever seen in his movement. "No," he said. "Stay."

She paused, searching his face. "You sure about that?"

Something strange was in his eyes, as his mandibles twitched again, and she could almost see him fighting to find the words and failing. "Don't make me choose," he whispered in the end.

The words were borrowed from Nihlus, but she understood what he was trying to say. Apparently Nihlus understood as well, because he let out a deep growl, and his grip on Saren's neck shifted a bit higher.

Saren drew a quick breath, but let himself be drawn back against Nihlus, a shiver running through his frame.

The tone of Nihlus' growl became deeper, a gentle, almost calming note in it. Then he angled his hips and brought their bodies together in a slow, inevitable slide.

Another soundless snarl again escaped Saren, but this time Shepard was sure it was pleasure. He arched against her, and she slid herself down his hardened length.

She bit down on her own moan and focused on him, his soft gasps and half-suppressed clenching of his fingers, tensing, then relaxing on her back, the tips of his claws a fine pinprick.

They kept their pace slow, a gentle rocking rhythm. Nihlus was rumbling, and Saren was responding. His eyes were unfocused, and he made a strange sound that wasn't quite a whimper before closing them. The tension was draining from his body; he was pliant in their arms despite the tough plates. When she kissed the side of his neck, he leaned into the caress without any hesitation, and probably without thinking. He hadn't let her touch his neck before, but now he seemed to relish it.

She knew unconditional surrender when she saw it, and she thought that she should have felt some triumph or satisfaction, but all she felt was something tender, almost protective.

"It's all right," she murmured into the side of his neck. "You can let yourself fall. We'll catch you."

He didn't reply. She could feel him trembling between them, a different sort of tension running through him now, and he wasn't trying to hide or suppress it. He didn't do things half-way, not even this, and that surrender had been to the both of them.

She just held on to him, trying to control her own mounting passion, relying on Nihlus to make the final step. His hands trailed down to Saren's hips, taking a firmer grip, and Saren shivered, a soft whisper, barely more than a breath, stuck in his throat. "Please..."

The tone of that tore at her in a way she couldn't name, and she found herself answering without thinking. "It's fine. Let go. We've got you."

Some strange instinct made her follow the words with a gentle bite to his neck, the way she had Nihlus seen do, her fingers curling into his collar. One of Nihlus' hands was suddenly at the small of her back, drawing her closer, onto Saren, holding them together as he picked up his pace. The sudden pressure made her bite back a groan. No. Not yet. This wasn't about her needs.

Nihlus made a sudden, sharp thrust, and Saren pushed into her with a startled exhale. Then his head fell back, rolling helplessly on Nihlus' shoulder.

_Do what you want with me._

She did take advantage of exposed skin and pressed a soft kiss on Saren's throat, then draw back. He groaned, his whole body straining. When he finally broke, it was like a crack in ice, and all she could do was clinging tight as she watched him come apart.

She had expected him to moan the way Nihlus often did, or at least snarl in that deep tone as she had heard from him before, but he was quiet. His eyes were closed. A chain of violent shudders ran through his frame, setting off explosions of pleasure in her own nerves, but she was completely focused on him, entirely absorbed in watching his face, and something in it suddenly struck her as beautiful. Perhaps she was finally seeing what Nihlus always had.

Nihlus snarled and she knew he was at the breaking point. Saren lifted his head, and his eyes opened, a dreamy haze slowly receding as he looked at her. He rumbled and pulled her even closer. His hand slid down, and the touch reawakened her desire, a fiery trail down to her core. Desire turned into desperate need in a heartbeat as his fingers found the spot where she needed to be touched with the precision he showed in anything he did, and his low rumbling, of the sort she'd only heard from Nihlus so far, urged her to let go.

_It's fine. I got you._

All reason abandoned her, and she settled in his arms, face pressed into his collar. He leaned his head over her shoulder, mandibles twitching against her skin. She clung to him as his thumb grazed over her clit in a rhythm that was driving her crazy. There was nothing left but the blinding rush of aching desire, the feeling of his fingers against her. She was too far gone to think, and maybe so was he, because he turned his head sideways and took her nape between his teeth in that odd caress she had seen him share with Nihlus. Whether it was the touch itself or the implication she knew it to hold, the gentle pressure of his teeth was like an electric current running through her nerves.

For a timeless moment, she was balanced on the edge, beyond speech, beyond anything, then his grip tightened, and one final, confident stroke sent her over.

She only had enough air left to gasp as the orgasm washed over her like a wave, sweeping her consciousness clear of anything but the pure sensation, and she welcomed it. With a strangled moan, she collapsed on Saren's chest, let herself be held with that strange, surprising tenderness, as her body shuddered through the aftershocks.

He turned on his side, towards Nihlus, taking her with him, and then Nihlus' arm wrapped around her as well. Shepard had to smile as he rumbled close to her ear and nuzzled the back of her neck affectionately.

Still pressed against Saren's chest, she felt a faint vibration. She looked up, but Nihlus was already reaching over with his free arm, drawing Saren's head in and pressing their foreheads together. The touch was very light, but Saren's breath hitched. The rumble became audible for a few breaths, then faded away into silence.

Nihlus chuckled. "You're out of practice."

"That's the best I can do."

"I'm not complaining." Nihlus kept contact for a moment longer, then released him.

Shepard studied Saren's face. She had seen him in all sorts of moods before, but this was new. His eyes were half-closed, his features relaxed, his mandibles drooping. He was more than calm. He was... at peace.


	12. Chapter 12

She woke - still exhausted, throat parched, her own body curled up between two warm, angular ones. Saren's forehead was leaning against Nihlus shoulder. Fast asleep. She surprised herself by stroking the edge of his jaw, then she paused. She didn't to wake him. The fact that he was so deeply asleep was telling in itself. He had to be exhausted. He had to have been out of balance as well during the last few days, to say the least.

He didn't move, and there was no change in his breathing as she carefully extricated herself. Nihlus immediately sprawled out, taking up the space she just vacated. She was used to that behaviour from him, and it rarely failed to make her smile.

She padded out into the common area, located the cold storage, and retrieved a water bottle. Immediate problem resolved, she was already turning back to the sleeping quarters when a flicker from the terminal caught her attention.

She wandered over to the terminal, casually inspecting the display. A program was scanning the newsfeeds and, presumably, looking for interesting tidbits among the noise. That must part of Saren's normal schedule, and of course he would have that mind-numbing task automated.

The VI's symbol was up in one section of the screen, which was unusual. Even more unusual was that it disappeared as she moved to get its status report. It had to be coincidence; just a quirk of the scheduling, but still, it gave the distinct impression of hiding from her.

She smiled at the absurd thought, but grew curious about what model Saren's VI really was. From the way he had carried it from his wrecked ship and the fit he'd thrown when Nihlus had installed games on it, it had to be something quite sophisticated.

A few keystrokes opened up the VI's maintenance interface. One more tap, and the parameters and specifications filled the screen. Disappointing. It was the same model as the one on Nihlus' ship, and only one revision ahead. Nihlus was enthusiastic about having the latest tech in weaponry, but he tended to be much more lenient when it came to non-combat related technology. One revision past wasn't even top of the military line, let alone the bleeding-edge tech available to Spectres.

Her fingers hovered over the terminal. This made no sense. Even if it was heavily customised, it was far from irreplaceable; even taking his state of mind at the time into account, Saren shouldn't care that much about it.

The more she thought about it, the less the pieces fit. She had seen the VI's core, and there had been no logo or serial number on it. The VI had even a name. Saren was a lot of things, but he wasn't sentimental. A VI was nothing more than a tool, a collection of useful functions and a ruleset that described how to apply them. Saren was as likely to name a VI as he was to name his favourite sidearm.

"Cabal." she said.

The VI's symbol reappeared, fading in slowly. Hesitation. She wasn't imagining it. She took another look at the specifications. Not only was the model standard, there were no customisations at all. An unmodified ship VI wouldn't have the capabilities Cabal demonstrated when they'd made their escape from that unnamed moon.

What she was seeing was a front. It could be explained away with Saren's need for privacy, of course, but modifications to a VI was expected of him. He tended to put what trust he had into mechanical things, things he had specifications for, things he could control. It made no sense to disguise the fact that the VI was customised.

If he wanted that VI as undisturbed as possible, there had to be another reason for it.

It would be wise to leave this alone. As satisfying as the events of the last few hours had been, she didn't fool herself into thinking that Saren now trusted her, that she was safe from his temper if he caught her at it.

But she couldn't. It was a puzzle, a clue she needed to understand the situation. Besides, it didn't matter anymore, now. If he found out, he'd be furious anyway.

The standard diagnostic she tried to run on the VI reported everything normal, but when she took a look at the routine itself, she found it was just a stub. There should've been interfaces meant for integrating the VI into different systems, and they were absent.

She couldn't suppress the bolt of unease that ran down her spine. She couldn't see of the VI's core programming; try as she might, she found herself blocked at every turn. But the absence of features was enough.

It wasn't a VI. She wasn't sure what it was, because anything beyond a VI was tricky territory. AI research was restricted throughout Citadel space - no one wanted a repeat of the Geth fiasco. But prohibitions didn't stop anyone determined enough. Whatever this was, it was illegal. Spectres were technically above the law, but this might be a lot more trouble.

"Cabal. You're not a Synthetic Insights model. What are you?"

"I have no data available on this topic," the VI replied immediately, and she frowned again. That wasn't a proper response. She expected to be told about access restrictions, but it seemed like it didn't even know its own serial ID. VI's weren't programmed to lie either, were they?

"It's telling the truth." Saren's voice was calm, and she looked up to see him leaning against the bulkhead. She tensed instinctively; he didn't move. She wondered how long he had stood there, watching her trying to make sense of what she was seeing.

Like her, he hadn't bothered to dress. And while he seemed tense, he wasn't angry. "It doesn't have a designation or model number."

She flinched as he suddenly stood beside her, but he reached past her, decisively shutting down the diagnostic she had been running. His mandibles were lowered and tight against his jaw, showing his teeth. He rested both lands on the terminal, staring at it with head lowered. A few weeks ago she would have felt fear at his expression. Now - she still didn't know what it was, only there was no danger involved for her.

After a moment, his face went neutral again. "I suppose you will demand other explanations."

If anything, there was a trace of resignation in his tone. She hadn't intended to, but maybe it was a good time to clarify where they stood. "Probably not as many as you think. It got too strange for you, and you overreacted. I think I get it. I would like to know what you meant by miscalculation, though."

He studied the display intently, as if the answers were written there.

"I am not accustomed to be subject to this sort of emotion." There was a gravelly undertone in his voice. "Nor to reciprocate it, to such an extent."

Shepard shook her head. "I don't blame you for that." she said with a sudden flash of humour. "I think it's impossible not to develop feelings for Nihlus, once you gets to know him. Even if it took you some time."

His fingers clenched. "Not only him." His tone was too calm. "I've known him for a long time. Not you." There was a brief pause, and she winced as the tips of his claws scratched against the metal. Saren seemed to wince, too, and relaxed his hands. "My estimations were off, and I underestimated the consequences."

"Are you sure you want me along, at this time, on this mission? You could drop me off at the Citadel and resolve the situation, just the two of you."

He looked confused. "Why?"

If he's that intelligent and that dense at the same time, she had to be blunt.

"Because if we part now, we part as friends. I don't know if I can do that later, if I start caring too much as well." She was sure that point had already passed. "Or if you start resenting my friendship with Nihlus."

Saren's mandibles flared wide with more surprise that she'd ever seen. "You think I'm jealous?"

When she didn't reply, he shook his head slowly. "I am not. I envy you solely for the ease you have in handling emotional entanglement. It's not a competition about who is more important to him. If it were, the score would be even."

Maybe it was. Nihlus hadn't been all that subtle. "So you'll be fine with me staying around?"

His voice was flat. "I asked you both to come along." His head lowered further. "But I understand if you don't believe me."

It was a straightforward mission, the risks weren't high, and Saren normally wouldn't even bother with it, let alone ask for help. But it was perfect for individual specialists to learn to work as a team.

She took Saren's hand, ignoring his startled look, turned it around and inspected his fingers. He didn't resist as she ran a fingertip over the underside of his claws. The surface was smooth. Too smooth. It had been more than a week.

Still thinking, she let go of his hand.

She considered the ship, too. He might have acted like it was just a workaround, a temporary solution, but he could have easily gotten another strike craft. This was just Saren again, preparing for all eventualities. And however gruffly and reluctantly, he had come back for them when they could've found their own way back to the Citadel. She didn't know what to say, didn't know what to think.

She looked down at the terminal. Sometimes it was easier to start with the obvious things, if only to take her mind off the difficult ones.

"Your VI. It's not what it pretends to be."

"Few things are." The sudden change in topic didn't seem to surprise him. "I've been wondering when you'd catch up."

"Where did it come from?" she asked.

He gave her a measuring look. "I found it in a wrecked salvage ship, more than two decades ago. There were more of them, but this one was the only one that was functional. Its knowledge and functions were much more limited back then, enough that I didn't realise its nature at first." His tone was thoughtful. "I have never been able to determine its precise origin."

"You - what, trained it?"

He tossed his head back, almost defensively. "It has been very helpful."

"Helpful?"

"It can do data processing like no VI can because it understands purposes and concepts. I would not have attempted that jump with a normal VI, but Cabal can do jump calculations much faster than any system in Citadel space. It noticed the fighters and managed to compensate enough for us to arrive relatively unharmed and a safe distance from any star." Saren drew a finger over the terminal absently. "Unfortunately, Nihlus' ship didn't have the hardware to let it interface directly with the navigation system. If it could have done that, we might have made it directly to Farside."

He interpreted her look of surprise correctly. "Yes, it had the interfaces to navigate my ship directly. It had been doing so for years. If necessary, it could run mission control for me, keep me informed of enemy movements on a battlefield. That's something it has learned to do on its own."

"You mean it's evolving."

"In a way. Its structure is becoming more complex, and the functions it has are extending. It can provide very unbiased analyses of facts and situations."

Her mind was still stuck on him calling the construct helpful. He hadn't said useful. Saren as precise in his use of language as he was in his use of a sniper rifle. He had just implied that he even asked for opinions, and she wondered briefly whether those extended to personal situations.

It also explained his reaction when Nihlus had tampered with the VI. It hadn't been anger at having his possessions or even his secrets disturbed. He had, maybe subconsciously, defended a team mate.

Saren had to be aware of her scrutiny. "Cabal, stop evading." His fingers moved over the interface. "Here. This is what you were looking for."

She stepped closer, curiosity overriding apprehension as she looked at the scrolling data. It was some sort of code, but the structure and even the symbols were unfamiliar. What she faced was not only a full AI, but one of very doubtful and probably alien origin.

"I can't make anything out of this," she said slowly. "Can you?"

Saren shook his head.

She felt she was missing something here. "If you can't verify the programming, you can't be certain of its motivations and decisions. Or control it."

He was still looking down at the terminal. "I cannot. I can calculate possible reactions and behaviours based on previous experience, but I cannot predict with complete accuracy. It's impossible, just as with an organic life form."

"Then how do you keep it under control?"

A trace of indignation crept into his tone. "Shepard, I'm not forcing it to do what it's doing. It chose to be here, and it understands its duty."

Of course it would, if Saren had trained it. Her head was swimming. Saren had found an alien AI, and instead of destroying it, he had kept it, trained it into a Spectre's support. And it was still evolving, learning.

"I'm guessing Nihlus doesn't know about it."

Saren shrugged. "He doesn't. He won't see it as a problem, though." There was faint humour in his tone. "If anything, he'll consider it amusing. I suspect he will even continue to play games with it and start calling it by name." The humour faded."He'll take my word that it isn't a threat."

A matter of trust. Saren never did anything without a reason. He wouldn't have revealed Cabal to her if he didn't expect her to stay around for a period of time well beyond the scope of the simple mission at hand. He had more or less befriended an AI and come to trust it - which was disturbing, but also a sign of hope.

Showing the AI to her was his way of showing trust outside the battlefield or the bedroom, and it was specifically meant for her. Telling Nihlus about this wouldn't be the same thing because he knew Nihlus wouldn't object. But she could get him into all sorts of trouble because of the AI. She could force him to adhere to the letter of the law and get rid of it. If she really felt like it, she could go to the Council.

He had given her a weapon.

Saren moved his hand and the display turned off. He still wasn't looking at her, and his face was still carefully neutral. "What are you going to do?"

About what? About the AI? About Nihlus? About you? About this becoming a three-way relationship?

About the AI, nothing. Sure, the idea of an alien AI more or less in control of the ship was bizarre. The fact that they had played vid games with it even more so. But same went for the whole situation. An AI wasn't going to change things. And she wasn't going to take away something he regarded as a friend, whether he actually used that word or not. Besides, it had saved their lives.

About the rest, she didn't know what to say. Their activities from a few hours ago had been more than closure, or answering basic urges, or even a strange apology on Saren's part. Something between them had shifted, then locked into a sort of balance. Whether the balance had any hope of stability was beyond her. There was still too much error in translation.

She paused, realising that she had already reached her decision.

_Stay, see where this goes, try to make it work. Take it one problem at a time, work through them. Be patient, because it will either happen at its own pace or not at all. And try for normal._

There was not much answer she could give, though, not in words, not now.

"I think," she said, "that we'd better be up to form when we investigate that factory. We need to learn to work as a team, and that might need some adjusting to. And I for one still need rest. I'm going back to bed." She gave the console a pat. "Good night, Cabal."

The terminal flickered into life for a split second, then went dark again, as if the AI was unsure as whether and how to respond. She turned away, then pushed past Saren through the door.

She was already a few steps into the corridor when she noticed that he was not behind her. Instead, he was leaning on the door frame, head lowered, pointedly looking away from her. There was a calm finality to the pose, as if he intended to stay there all night. And she wouldn't put it past him to actually follow through on that.

This was getting ridiculous. She suppressed a sigh, feeling both disarmed and exasperated. "Well. Are you coming?"

His gaze turned to her, calculating, and then he simply nodded and moved to follow her. The curve of his neck was relaxed again and the nearly inaudible exhale of relief was certainly not meant for her ears. But the gentle brush of his fingers over her shoulder was definitely not accidental.

She settled in the bed next to Nihlus, who opened one green eye to a narrow sliver, then rolled on his side and drew her into his arms with a drowsy but perfectly content trilling rumble, curling up around her. The mattress lowered when Saren stretched himself out behind her. He shifted to touch foreheads with Nihlus.

She was almost asleep when she felt his hand rest on her hip, a very light touch. She reached down, covering his hand with her own and he sighed, closed that distance between them, curling up around her. He was awkward about it, but at the very least willing to try. She smiled.

Maybe this actually had a chance of working out. And maybe it wouldn't even take that long.


End file.
